Proving once again her life is an epic fail, Paris Hilton was investigated by The Los Angeles Department of Animal Services earlier this week after she appeared on Ellen claiming she had 17 dogs. According to state regulations, non-breeders are only allowed to have 3 dogs per household. And according to a medical chart, the only thing Paris breeds is herpes. The Daily Mail says:

I have 17 dogs, yes - lots," she told the open-mouthed chat show host. "They all sleep in my bed - well, not all of them, but I let some of them." Paris said she owned so many dogs because they kept getting pregnant and she thought it was cruel to give the puppies away. "They keep having babies and I feel bad about giving them away," she explained. "If I had a baby and someone gave it away for me I feel bad for my dogs." The former jailbird said she makes sure she takes all her pups out the same number of times, so they all get equal attention. "I trade it off so they don't get jealous," she said. "I'll bring like three out at once." When Ellen asked why she didn't just get the animals neutered, Paris said they had now all been "fixed". "Well, two of them weren't," she later confessed."

There are a billion pictures of Paris taken everyday in her varying degrees of whoring, and hardly, if ever, do you see her with a dog. And if you do, it's only one that's been bedazzled and handed to her right before the picture is taken. Sure, it's obvious Paris has endless resources to provide proper care for these animals but then you read stuff like this and this. These aren't pets, these are stuffed animals, whose sole existence is based on whether Paris can be bothered to remember they're alive. So instead of waking up on a satin pillow to a silver spoon tapping a crystal bowl, these dogs are pacing in front of the door hoping to get bit by a raccoon or that Michael Vick writes back.


Paris and that nobody, Kristin Cavallari at some fashion thing a couple days ago: