I don't know what Interview magazine is but I'm assuming it's about monster truck parts. You can probably order some kick ass lift kits and naked lady mud flaps. And Brad Pitt must have thought that too cause he agreed to work for them and interview Ashton Kutcher. Here's a glimpse into what the two most squealed over guys on the planet talked about:

Pitt : Are you wearing underwear?
Kutcher : Am I? Today, yes. Yesterday, you would have caught me on an off day.
Pitt : Dude, you're hot.
Kutcher : Well, there you go.
Pitt : What about the press? They've already said you're stupid. Have they said you're gay yet?
Kutcher : I don't know if I've gotten gay yet.
Pitt : Oh really? You'll get there.

All this and a fold out Bigfoot poster in the April issue of Interview.



update - more on the interview in today's New York Post.

I'm pretty sure Kevin Federline fancies himself as some kind of real life Tyler Durden, which is why he dresses like this and likes to imagine he had some rough and tumble past. So just picture the Star Wars Kid pretending to be Darth Maul and know that Kevin does the same thing with "I want you to hit me as hard as you can." All this actually works out great for me since I desperately want to beat his ass. I think I'll go down to the Colony in Malibu or Michael Landon State Park and wait for him. He'll either curl up in a puddle of his urine or actually fight me, either way I win. Little does he know that I lettered in Ultimate Fighting in high school. That and 'Lovemaking'. Drop me a line, ladies!



thanks to Suzie for the link

If anyone wants a masters course on why most movies suck, all you have to do is watch the third season of Project Greenlight, this year on Bravo. Marvel as smart people knowingly choose a script they don't like and a director they seem to hate and then look amazed as things go badly.

This is exactly how movies like 'XXX 2' happen. And it's why 'XXX 2' currently has two different names on the QuickTime home page, as the studio scrambles to put a pretty veneer on a obvious train wreck of a movie. 'State of the Union' is a script that's been floating around for a few years and it was finally mangled to become the 'XXX' sequel, much like how a script called 'Simon Says' was re-written to become 'Die Hard 3'. Of course none of that explains to me how Ice Cube could be the new XXX. Keep in mind, XXX isn't a title like 007. There's no XXW or XXZ. It was XXX cause Diesel had XXX tatted on his fuckin neck. Apparently the producers didn't bother to watch that movie either. But all I care about is that me writing XXX a thousand times is gonna help our placement on Google. XXX.

Just for the record, I don't think the script for 'Feast' is as bad as Matt and Ben seem to. But if I were that damn smart, I would have sold a screenplay by now. You can read it here and decide for yourself.

Oh, and no one asked, but it took me about 15 seconds to know I was gonna hate the first XXX. I find it unlikely that a US Senator would have a bumper sticker on a $60,000 Vette. Much less one about skateboarding.

Sarah Silverman used to have this line in her stand-up where she said, "I totally understand why the doctor had to slap me on the ass ... but he didn't have to call me a whore." The girl who dates Jimmy Kimmel and said "chinks" on Conan has been really really funny for a really long time. Life is a cruel bitch when brilliantly funny people like Sarah, Louis C.K. and Brian Regan languish in near anonymity while unfunny hacks like Dane Cook and those fuckin inbreds on Best Week Ever are even allowed to breathe much less broadcast their cringe worthy "jokes". And, God as my witness, no one better write in to defend Dane Cook. I gave him a chance, I sat there, I listened - the dude's about as funny as a dead Christmas puppy.

Anyway, the point to all this was that Sarah finally has her own concert film coming out. It's called 'Jesus is Magic' and you can see the trailer here.

Many thanks to Criswell for the heads up.

Sarah Jessica Parker was replaced this week by Joss Stone as the Gap spokesperson, and this is the quote that came out of SJP's camp:

"Joss is not only a teenager, she's also a virtual unknown. Had her replacement been a big star, perhaps Sarah wouldn't have minded so much."

I've never punched a woman, but that's probably because I've never met Sarah Jessica Parker. And that quote is a glimpse into why. God she's awful, with her confusingly high self worth and endlessly annoying sanctimony. I don't know who Joss Stone is and frankly I don't care, I'm positive she's less annoying that Sarah Jessica Parker. The new commercial could be Joss riding a T-Rex that comes to my house and stomps me in the balls and I'd still prefer it to anything with Sarah Jessica Parker. Yeah, keep telling me she's uniquely beautiful ... she's not. She's genuinely ugly. Bear-repellent ugly.

update - Alright, a quick search later and it turns out that Joss Stone is a 17 year old soul singer who gets compared to Janis Joplin a lot. I'm not sure when that became flattering, but, hey, whatever. You could dig up the real Janis Joplin, put her in some khakis and dance her around in a Gap ad, it'd still be less nauseating that Sarah Jessica telling me how much everyone loves her.

If you're in an imaginary sexual relationship with Kate Bosworth like I am, these pictures may come as a bit of a shock, as she ruthlessly pounds a BacoMcButterJumbo breakfast like a stoned frat boy at a Waffle House. Even more shocking is the obvious conclusion that Kate is an expert on the Necronomicon, since there's no non-evil-pact way to eat like a trucker and still look like a med school prop. I don't have conformation that it's human blood in the cup she's drinking from, but, seriously, what else could it be? On the positive side, it's cute that she's as whacked out in love with her dog as I am and comforting that she can open her mouth that wide. The doctors said I'd never find happiness because of my special condition, but now, finally, I know there's a girl for me.

Thomas Haden Church is why I despise people like Kate Hudson. People who decide they want to be an actor one day and - based on connections instead of talent and hard work - twenty minutes later they're in Tommy Hilfiger ads with 'Kate Hudson for Tommy Hilfiger' scrawled across the bottom, even though no one has any idea who the hell Kate Hudson is. Well - shockingly - it's not always that easy. In the non-fabulous world, people have to work, people have to struggle, people have to wait. Say what you will about Nic Cage, but he changed his last name (the real last name is Coppola) and stood in line like everyone else. Ten years before 'ER', George Clooney was in 'E/R.' Brad Pitt got fired from 'Dallas', then had to wait 4 years for 'Thelma and Louise'. Hillary Swank lived in her car. Virginia Madsen was up for a snuff film when she got the call for 'Sideways'.

And after 20 years of struggle, there's a rainbow butterscotch meadow happy ending for Thomas Haden Church as well. First the Oscar nod, now the news this morning that he's been cast as the villain in 'Spider Man 3.' No word yet on what part he will play, but Sandman seems a good guess, as does a bunch of grimacing and exasperated looks because he can't defeat a fat lump like Tobey Maguire.

Despite reports that she's lost about 25 pounds in the past year, Nicole Richie seems pretty casual about her rapid weight loss, only saying that the change hasn't been the result of any drastic new lifestyle, just her "upbeat attitude". I'm not sure I'd be bragging about that if I were her, because losing weight without diet or exercise - that pretty much leaves disease, doesn't it?

(Cough, cough - STD! - cough)