Okay, long story as short as possible...

Britney Spears was ordered to return the kids back to K-Fed by 7 p.m. tonight. She refused. She locked herself in her bathroom with her kids and basically held them hostage until a crapload of police, firemen, paramedics, paparazzi, and helicopters swarmed her home, and after an approximate 90 minute standoff the kids were taken away from her. It was then discovered Britney was "under the influence," "intoxicated," and "a danger to herself and others." Then she and one of the kids (reportedly Jayden James, the youngest child) were transported to Cedars-Sinai hospital.

When Britney arrived at the hospital she was reportedly smiling and flipping off the paparazzi who were waiting at the emergency entrance. Witnesses inside the hospital say when Britney was inside she was screaming, making a huge scene, saying she'd "rather die" than let K-Fed have her kids, and then may or may not have been restrained and sedated. She is now reportedly on medical hold for mental evaluation.

That's the most up to date crap I have for you in a nutshell after all the news reports and emails. Whatever. The dumb ho is still alive, retarded, and abusing her kids. What else is new ... other than that fresh growth on Lindsay Lohan's labia. What, huh? That's right, girl. It's Gyno time.

All the pics I scraped up for you so far...


Sean Preston taken away from the scene:


The following images are courtesy of JFX Online:


Video courtesy of TMZ:


Update: Page Six is now reporting Britney is currently on suicide watch at Cedars-Sinai.

Another update: News sources are reporting Britney was transported to the hospital in handcuffs.

Britney getting wheeled out of her home on a gurney courtesy of TMZ:


Update: Britney was removed from her home in restraints. Click the photo below for the larger image:

Still fresh from rehab, Lindsay Lohan was caught on tape drinking champagne on New Year's Eve. Lindsay's people are now on damage control duty. TMZ reports:

Blair Berk, Lindsay's lawyer, told TMZ, "The good news was that Lindsay stopped herself that night, called her sponsor, and got herself immediately back on track. There is no magic cure here. The most unfortunate part of this is that Lindsay has to share her 'one day at a time' with the entire world."

And by "back on track" Blair means, "Lindsay took the bottle out of her mouth and stuck 3 dude's penises in it."

Britney Spears made a half assed appearance at her deposition today [Dlisted]
Lindsay Lohan is a broke ho [Hollywood Tuna]
More proof Britney Spears doesn't want custody [Hollywood Rag]
Kanye West and Beyonce play Connect Four [City Rag]
Elisha Cuthbert looks gross [Egotastic]
Eddie Murphy gets married [Just Jared]
Sarah Michelle Gellar is surfing (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Mischa Barton goes to church [Popsugar]
Nicole Kidman has nipples (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Victoria Beckham is still useless [ASL]
Mandy Moore rings in the new year [Popoholic]

Coco sporting some serious cameltoe at a car show:

It's always been a great mystery why Josh Duhamel would want to marry this, but these pictures taken in Mexico might give you a clue as to why. Josh Duhamel is on a Mexican beach painting. Seriously, he has an easel. Painting. Maybe next time he can sit under a parasol and wear a silk scarf. Which would be about 100 times better than what Fergie is wearing. Apparently she went to Mexico to read people's fortunes. Is she some sort of gypsy? If so, will I get that big promotion? Oh Fergie, please do tell what the stars have foretold!

For the fifth straight time, Britney Spears failed to show for a court-ordered deposition with Kevin Federline's attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan. The deposition, which was scheduled for yesterday, marks the second time in less than a month that Britney couldn't be bothered to follow a judge's orders. Immediately following the missed appointment, Spears' lawyer, Sorrell Trope (her third lawyer in her child custody case), filed court documents to be removed from her case. Gee, I wonder why? TMZ says:

In the legal papers, attorney Tara Scott from Trope and Trope wrote, "There has been a breakdown in communications between [Britney] and Trope and Trope making further representation of her interests impossible."...Sources tell TMZ the reason Trope and Trope withdrew is because Britney just didn't listen to her lawyers' advice, and her behavior was generally sinking her case."

However, sources say Britney will be given one more chance to win back custody of her kids. OK! reports:

To be precise, it's actually two appointments she must keep," the insider tells OK!. And Brit must make both of these scheduled deposition appearances - one slated for late this week; the second during the final week of January..."If she fails to show up," explains one case insider, "[Kevin's lawyer] Mark Vincent Kaplan will likely ask the judge to award Kevin complete and permanent custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James."

I might not be an expert on the double helix or mixed integers, but it's pretty easy to pick out the pattern here. The pattern being: Britney does not give a damn. Britney will never show up for one of these things. Ever. If it was up to Britney, she'd sell her kids for some magic beans or a gift card to Starbucks. Threatening Britney with taking her kids away is like threatening her with trans fat. Trust me, you won't get the reaction you're looking for.

Being a big huge star like Cisco Adler has many advantages. Advantages like being invited to the best parties, doing the best drugs, and your pick of hot chicks. Life can be a dream. Just like last night, when Adler ran into Sin City actress, Devon Aoki, outside of the L.A. restaurant, Villa. While he was leaving he asked her, "Do you guys wanna come?" Her reply? "Hahaha, no." Score. There's no doubt that she's seen these (NSFW), so she's probably playing hard to get. Or not. It's probably safe to assume that Cisco Adler could be caught in bed with a dead boy dressed up like Harry Potter and it would still only be the second most embarrassing thing that's happened to him this week.

I have no idea who Christina Milan is or exactly what she does, but her manager should probably suggest that she sticks to prancing around on the beach in a bikini. It seems to be working for her. Damn, this chick is cute. Good thing for her I didn't show up, because I wouldn't want her to lose the sexy. Girls tend to lose control when my 1994 Nissan Sentra pulls up. My Sentra with the spinners and the CD player adapter. Oh yeah, don't fight it baby.



Site update: Our comments area is apparently drunk and/or hungover right now, but we're giving it coffee and it should be fixed shortly.

Although their relationship has just been made public, sources close to Kim Kardashian, 27, say she is engaged to former Heisman winner Reggie Bush, 22. OK! Magazine reports:

While no diamonds were shining on Kim's ring finger, she did admit to OK! that things are getting serious. However, she added, "One thing I did learn from '07 was to try to keep it as private as possible so I'm trying to hold that close to my heart but I'm here with everybody that I love."

Kim added:

"I'm the best cook!" Kim tells OK!. "People don't know that, but I cook all the time. My best dish is surprisingly my soul food meals. My fried chicken and my macaroni and cheese and my sweet potato souffle."

"Surprisingly?" Not really. Kim Kardashian has gotten more black guys off than Abraham Lincoln. She's like a cyborg programmed to trap black dudes, casting her net of ass and fried chicken. The only way she could do any better is if she bled Kool-Aid.


Note: No official word yet on why Reggie Bush would want to marry this skank, but many believe it may be a result of the time he got knocked retarded: