inTouch Weekly has revealed that Jessica Simpson was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles because of a kidney infection.

She checked in on Friday morning because she was feeling achy and had a fever," a friend of the family confirmed. Jessica was kept over the weekend for observations and is expected to be released Tuesday morning. "She is doing fine' but she is ready to get out of there," added the friend."

Really? A "kidney infection?" That's the best they could come up with? Why not say she got attacked by a zombie or zapped by some sort of super villain's mega-ray? Because you're looking for a code for "prostate problems," you'd think they'd come up with something a cool.

Two months after he was found dead from an accidental overdose in a New York apartment, Heath Ledger's uncle claims Heath secretly fathered a child with an older woman when he was 17. The Daily Telegraph says:

Ledger was a 17-year-old schoolboy when he had an affair with an older woman who is thought to have only discovered she was pregnant after their relationship ended. The woman was living with another man at the time of the alleged affair. Yesterday, Ledger's uncle, Hadyn Ledger said: "There is a very real possibility that Heath was the father." If it is confirmed that Ledger is the girl's biological father, it could split his multi-million dollar estate between his two-year-old daughter Matilda Rose with Hollywood actress Michelle Williams, and his secret love child."

I'm not sure what the "multi-million estate" is they are talking about, because at the time of his death, Ledger's will only listed $145,000 in assets. So it's time to ask some tough moral questions about who is entitled to the money. Questions like, do you know that baby from the E*TRADE commercials? Yeah, don't tell his mother I work here.

Note: The banner picture is a joke. If you don't think it's funny, then you need an enema.

No longer wanted in America, Paris Hilton and her lame ass boyfriend, Benji Madden, were in Prague this weekend, and long story short, Paris did a chin plant while running away from the paparazzi. She must have thought they were trying to steal her drugs, because Paris Hilton never runs away from cameras. I don't know whose idea was it for her to run because that's probably not the best plan when your feet look like scuba flippers. You could race Paris Hilton with a cannon tied to your leg and you'd have to give her, at minimum, a thirty second head start.


Story and photos via Paris Hilton fansites

Update: Here's the graceful swan falling on her beak. Sent via email from some kickass Czech IDLYITW fans who probably smoke weed.

In a new ad campaign that will promote safe sex and sex education, Johnny Depp has reportedly been offered $10 million to become the face of Trojan condoms. Figuratively I'm assuming. The Daily Star says:

Depp, 44, a big advocate of safe sex education, would be expected to appear in a series of offbeat TV commercials for the company's new Magnum range. Trojan bosses believe "Rubber Johnny" would not only expand sales in the US but also help inspire an anti-AIDS campaign to send free condoms to third world countries. The Pirates Of The Caribbean star also holds huge sway with teen fans and one slogan the ad executives are playing with is: "Stand up with Johnny for safer sex."

I really hope this is true because it might convince other stars to endorse sex-related stuff. Like Megan Fox for K-Y. Or Lindsay Lohan for vaginal shrink cream. It lasts for up to 24 hours!

Reports that Sarah Larson, George Clooney's girlfriend, had a successful runway and print modeling career prior to meeting the actor seem a little less than accurate. Clooney met her when she served him drinks at Las Vegas' Palms Hotel Casino and up until 2007, Larson was paid by club and radio station promoters to attend events and slut it up. Star Magazine reports:

Sarah is outgoing and fun and loves to drink. She likes to get wasted when she goes out - but hey, that's what Vegas is all about!"..."That's our Sarah!" says the source. "She's not shy in the slightest. She loves hamming it up and is never embarrassed. That's the Sarah everyone in Vegas remembers, not the girl dressed in Valentino minding her manners for the cameras with George at the Oscars!"

Man, it sure is amazing what the power of love can do. One day this chick doesn't mind getting dry humped on camera, the next she's a demure flower on the red carpet. Why the sudden change? Was it true love's first kiss? Did George Clooney fill her empty heart? "Oh, and he's really rich and famous," Sarah Larson added. "Don't forget rich."

Gisele Bundchen wears a super-tight dress [Hollywood Tuna]
Jenna Jameson is really drunk [Dlisted]
Kate Bosworth is still not eating [Popsugar]
Madonna won't sing Like a Virgin anymore [Hollywood Rag]
Petra Nemcova gets goth [Popoholic]
Paris Hilton is a belly dancing idiot [Just Jared]
Hot Chicks With Douchebags [City Rag]
Angelina Jolie's pregnancy it a little complicated [ASL]
Ashley Tisdale slips a thong [Taxi Driver Movie]
Miranda Kerr takes a funny picture (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Hilary Duff is still trying too hard to be famous [Egotastic]
Choke on a Roach and Bleed (Superhero Movie) [Pajiba]
John Mayer Announces At-Bat [College Humor]

I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I fucking love Chris Cornell. I miss good shit on the radio. I don't give a fuck about how many dolla billz today's rappers have, how big their rims are, how many hos they have, or how many diamonds they have in they grillz. I don't give a fuck about poppin' lipgloss and um-ba-rellas and how many songs they make which have "Feat." some person I don't give a fuck about in the titles. Lastly, I don't care about all these jackass bands which are classified as "rock," but they're just gayer than 80s glam-rock, gayer than The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and gayer than Queer as Folk.

Chris Cornell needs to have sex with me.

Happy Friday, kids!

It's apparently Tranny Day here today at IDLYITW (as seen here and here), so it just feels natural to post this picture of Jessica Simpson arriving on a dinner date with Eva Longoria last night. Shhh, don't tell anyone, but I think Jessica has a secret.

Grey's Anatomy star, Justin Chambers, checked himself into UCLA Medical Center's psych ward in late January. Um, he might want to go back. Star Magazine reports:

But when a Star eyewitness saw the married father of five 26 days after he was treated - at the Village Pub in tony Palm Springs, Calif. - sleep didn't seem to be a problem as he drifted in and out of consciousness (at the bar!), rambled incoherently, annoyed patrons and even hit on a waitress! "Everyone thought Justin was drunk because he kept passing out at his table," the eyewitness tells Star. "But when I asked the bartender what they'd been serving him, she swore it was only non-alcoholic beer!" "He was acting as if he was on drugs, like some kind of downers. His eyes were glazed over. He slurred his words and staggered when he tried to walk," the eyewitness added. "At one point, he was hunched over a table, then abruptly woke up and shouted out of the blue, 'I am a father of five kids! I am a damn good father! Leave me alone!' It was really unsettling." And that's not all! Justin, who was without his wife Keisha, began hitting on a waitress! When she showed no interest, he slapped money out of her hand. "As she picked it up off the floor, he said, 'That's right, bitch, that's where you belong. Pick up the money!'"

Everyone on this stupid show is crazy, so whatever. Getting drunk and slipping in out of consciousness isn't really that bad. Oh, it is? Then why does it makes girls such big hits at parties?

Update: The original pictures were taken down, but they were shit quality cell phone pictures which could be of any drunk white guy in a hooded sweatshirt.