She's still pretending that she's a singer, but if that's the only test God has put before me to be able stare at Keeley Hazell's kick ass rack, then he is a merciful God. Because, well, Keeley Hazell's body is fucking hot. She could ask me for directions and I'm pretty sure that while she was talking I would ejaculate a Skittles rainbow at some point.

Some of these are NSFW, obviously:

People Magazine released it's 100 Most Beautiful People list today, so be prepared to feel good about yourself, Kate Hudson is #1. And Rumer Willis is on the list. Rumer Willis. At best, she should be top 5 on the list of male Demi Moore impersonators or a stunt doubles for Jimmy Neutron. But don't take my word for it, just listen to Kate Hudson's beauty secrets! They're amazing!:

Hudson doesn't owe her famous sun-kissed looks to thousands of hours logged at a spa. "I don't even remember the last time I got a manicure," says the 29-year-old mom to son Ryder, 4. "I even got to the point where I started waxing my own legs because I don't have the time. I'd rather be home with Ryder sitting there waxing my legs. I haven't gotten a facial in a million years. I don't do those kinds of things."

Wow, clogged pores and hit or miss hairy legs? Man, how did People find someone so beautiful?! Just lucky I guess!

Unable to control his wife's thoughts and actions by himself, Tom Cruise sent Katie Holmes to a Scientology bootcamp where she was kept under 24-hour surveillance and subject to lie detector tests and marathon auditing sessions. Star Magazine says:

In the new issue of Star, we report exclusively on how Katie was recently secluded for three days at Gold Base, the remote, supersecret Scientology compound in Hemet, Calif., where she was put through a demanding schedule. "It included various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes," a Scientology insider reveals. "Tom insists that auditing and purification practices are incredibly beneficial to Scientologists at all levels." Katie's intensive Scientology training and treatments have been accelerated in recent weeks, says another source, because she wanted to go to New York City without Tom to star in a Broadway play. But Tom stepped in and put the kibosh on her plans. And now Katie's been going in for a series of intensive auditing sessions, some which have lasted for 36 hours straight - with little sleep or food."

Man, this is sure to put the fire back in their relationship. Because if women love anything, it's being held against their will and told how to think and act. Maybe if Katie starts behaving herself Tom can brand her with a hot iron or tie a cannonball to her leg whenever she goes outside. How romantic!

See more about Gold Base including pictures at Lermanet.com

Tom and Katie at Victoria Beckham's birthday party on April 20th:

Nobody gives a damn about Britney Spears anymore (the paparazzi that used to stalk her are now stalking Miley Cyrus), so I wonder if there was something she could do to make people barely remember they used to care about her? Oh I know, how about walk out of a sauna at Bally Total Fitness in LA to get some water in only a towel in front of photographers? That should do it. Or Britney really, really hopes it does. Because tying her kids to the grill of her car and plowing down PCH would just take too long. And Britney doesn't have that kinda time.

Be sure to check out Britney's workout! A whole 52 seconds on the treadmill, how does she do it?!:



Update: Images removed per ALLEGED copyright holder's request.

Paula Abdul has been a judge on American Idol for like 7 years now, so you can see how easy it would be for her to show up one day and absolutely have no idea what the hell she's doing. Like last night, when she told Jason Castro she didn't like his second song, when in reality, Jason Castro didn't even sing a second song. Paula must have gotten that confused. Mostly because instead of watching people sing, she was watching the grandfatherly dragon read bedtime stories to poor Hispanic kids by a giant oak tree. That or whatever other hallucination you might have when you dump a Vicodin bottle in your vodka, you drunk bitch.

Here's Amy Smart with her top off in one of the first photos taken on the set of Crank 2. At least I think it's Crank 2. There's a chance it might be called "Every Movie Amy Smart Has Ever Done."

Amy Smart in Crank (the NSFW nipples allegedly belong to a body double):

Lindsay Lohan hangs low [Hollywood Rag]
Eva Mendes has luscious lips [Just Jared]
Asshole Simpson and Pete Wentz might get a reality show [Dlisted]
Marisa Miller is a Puddle of Mud [Hollywood Tuna]
John Travolta has a new moustache [City Rag]
Jeremy Piven got a hot slut (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Happy trails to Sarah Michelle Gellar [Popsugar]
Pamela Anderson flashes her panties again (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Peyton Manning is pissed off [College Humor]
Lauren Conrad sex tape rumors are back again [Egotastic]
Clay Aiken is so gay [ASL]
Hilary Duff and her chompers promote her new movie [Popoholic]
'Shut Up and ...' No, Just Shut Up (Deal) [Pajiba]
Many thanks to David at Mog and Boing Boing for their love yesterday!

Dana Delany at the You've Got A Heart benefit gala on April 28th:

Why would Hulk Hogan oil the crack of his daughter's ass while she lays out at a pool? He's gotta do something, the competition for "World's Greatest Dad" is pretty stiff this year!


Thanks to that perv, Tyson, via email.