We've been experiencing technical issues all day today, so sorry about wishing you Happy New Year for two days now. We apparently really meant it. Anyway, all the crap we've been working on this morning will be up soon, so please stop sending me emails about my mother. I know you think you're upset about not seeing any new posts today, but just take a look at Sad Britney! She can hardly believe it!

On Tuesday, at the request of Britney Spears, Osama "Sam" Lutfi reportedly contacted a former representative of California governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Why? The most insane reason you could possibly imagine. NY Daily News says:

Britney says her civil rights have been violated and she wants to talk to Arnold about it," says a source with firsthand knowledge of the conversation. Last month, Spears was twice committed into mental care. But she also believes her inability to keep a lawyer in her continuing custody battle with Kevin Federline is a "civil rights" issue. "She wants the governor to look into why she can't get an attorney," according to my mole."

Wait, it gets worse. Much worse:

Sam was chewing on his dinner while he was saying all this into the phone." The source also said Lutfi was highly critical of Spears' father, Jamie, during the conversation. But while he was seeking an introduction to the Governator, he didn't want to give out Britney's phone number because it was "confidential." "He wanted Schwarzenegger to call him, and he said he'd hand Britney the phone," laughs our ear-witness."

Man, let's hope the Governor of California can help because someone needs to solve the mystery of why Britney Spears can't keep a lawyer. Maybe whoever it is can hold her hand while they're walking her back into reality and telling her that it might have something to do with this, this, this, this, this and this. Britney is the only one fucking up Britney's life. In related news, only you are standing in the way of your dreams of financial independence. With my new real estate investing toolkit, you'll be on your way to the life you've just only imagined. Call today!

Britney at Starbucks yesterday:

We received a stack of emails asking us to create a petition in response to Paris Hilton's petition asking Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to intervene and keep Paris out of jail. And since TMZ is reporting the Governor has been made aware of Paris Hilton's petition, we'd like to make him aware of ours. So...

Please sign our No Clemency For Paris Hilton petition.

Your email address is required only for validation and to make the petition more legit, but your email address is not published for anyone else to see. It's a more reputable (using that term loosely) online petition site than the one Paris Hilton is using. Once there are enough validated signatures, we'll send it over to the Governor. And I'm quite sure he'll be flattered when I tell him I watched Predator and Terminator 2 about two times each over the past four days. It's only because I was too lazy to go find the remote, but shh, he doesn't need to know that part.

Update: Our petition is already getting press attention, and it's only been active for a couple hours, so thanks for spreading the word, baby.

Update: Paris Hilton was caught on camera driving again yesterday.