And it only took one broken marriage, seven years, and six kids.

TMZ reports:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are finally engaged -- this according to Brad's rep.
Brad's manager Cynthia Pett-Dante released a statement confirming the engagement, but says there's no wedding date yet -- as of now, the engagement is simply a "promise for the future."
Angelina was photographed on Wednesday wearing what appears to be her engagement ring. Click here for the photo.

So why this show of commitment now? Brad and Angelina always said they wouldn't get married until gay marriage was legal, but then their kids are too young to understand the complex realities surrounding basic civil rights. So the official word is they are doing this because the kids want them to, but we all know what this is really about. Angie is in talks to star with Michael Fassbender in The Counselor, which starts filming this summer. She is a man-eater with a documented penchant for her co-stars. And she's probably seen Shame. Brad has probably seen Shame. (You should go watch Shame.) Everyone knows what the younger, hotter Irishman is packing. So cheating is pretty much inevitable. Brad can only hope the prongs on that boulder rip out some of Michael's ginger short and curlies every time Angie rips his pants off.

"Ok, Jennifer. You really need to stop calling me like this. I told you, my dad's busy. Look, I gotta go. I have Joseph Kony on the other line for my sister."

I realize the bumper sticker on the back of your SUV says that you're proud parent of a terrific kid, but your kid's parents aren't Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and they don't get to walk a giant bulldog around New Orleans with a bodyguard so they probably want you to take that shit off. Gawd, why do you have to be so embarrassing all time? What the hell is wrong with you?!

Brad Pitt didn't win Best Actor for Moneyball, but I actually feel for bad for the other guys nominated in this category who didn't win. Mostly because they didn't get head from Angelina Jolie on the way home.

Miley Cyrus doesn't believe in bras [Taxidriver Movie]
Rihanna is an idiot [The Superficial]
Hilary Duff has been pregnant for about four years [Popoholic]
Kim Kardashian fails at fake crying [Celebitchy]
Kevin Federline had a minor heart attack [The Blemish]
Stacey Poole will have back problems someday [Zoo Today]
Doutzen Kroes is pretty [Coed Magazine]
Kim Kardashian is plastic [Cityrag]
Aretha Franklin is single [Dlisted]
J-Woww channeling the Joker [I'm Not Obsessed]
Alessandra Ambrosio is still pregnant [Moe Jackson]
Lindsay Lohan has an assistant for some reason [Popbytes]
Rihanna is still in bikinis [Egotastic]
Ke$ha is doing drugs with the Flaming Lips [Allie Is Wired]
Freakishly tall women [The Chive]
Christina Aguilera knows how to party [Popcrush]
Katy Perry is probably a closet coke whore [Popcrush]
Megan Fox and Mike Tyson advertising a school. Don't think they thought this one through [A Socialite's Life]
Salma Hayek in leather [Amy Grindhouse]
Michael Fassbender shirtless [Tabloid Prodigy]
Seal still wearing his ring, not wearing a paper bag [Huffington Post]
Vanessa Hudgens has a lot of time for bikinis since her movies always bomb [Hollywood Tuna]
Charlize Theron imitates Kristen Wiig [Celebuzz]
Which STD made Jude Law go bald? [Celebslam]
Lifetime is amazing [Evil Beet]

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Oh, Brad you sly dog! Having unprotected sex with the woman you've been in a committed relationship with for six years! Hahaha, you're still full of surprises, bro! OK Magazine reports:

Lately, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have dropped some none-too-subtle hints that they'd like to add to their brood of six children. The smart money seemed to be on adoption — though Angelina did say recently, "I could end up pregnant." Turns out she wasn't toying with us: A source close to the Oscar-winner reveals that Angelina is expecting her seventh child and telling friends she can't wait to be a mom again. "She's almost three months along," the source confirms to OK!. "It's not something she wants to officially announce but she's at a point where she is telling a select group of people." Adds an insider: Angelina is really savoring every moment. she's having a tough time with morning sickness but says it's all worth it."

Let me preface this by saying that this is OK! reporting this, so take it however you want. They reported that Jon Benet Ramsey was pregnant with twins and I had a really big penis once, so they have a well documented history of just making shit up. That being said, if it's true, fuck you Brad Pitt.

Angelina was seriously giving Brad this look all night. The "you're getting your balls drained and a sandwich of your choice as soon as we get home" look.

The Oscars' half sister who only gets to see their dad every other weekend and every other holiday but not even then because her mom is on meth and therefore not very reliable the courts are involved now were last night, and it was even more mind-numbingly more boring than you'd imagined. Ricky Gervais was supposed to come and be funny again, but NBC only let him on stage for five minutes. And Madonna won an award. And somebody let a serial leg rapist dog with ADHD on stage. And I'm pretty sure Sidney Poitier died. Just a bad night all around. Anyway, here's who won:

Best Motion Picture - Drama
The Descendants

Best Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical
The Artist

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama
George Clooney, The Descendants

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama
Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture Octavia Spencer, The Help

Best Performance by an Actor In A Supporting Role in a Motion PictureChristopher Plummer, Beginners

Best Director - Motion Picture
Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Best Screenplay - Motion Picture
Midnight in Paris

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt:



George Clooney and OMG Just Glad To Be Here Guys I'm Dating George Clooney Don't Know If You Heard:



Sofia Vergara andsweetlordinheavendaddylike:



Gerard Butler and oh look Jess' ovaries just dropped and she's knitting something now:



Charlize Theron and probably a one-hitter hidden somewhere in that dress:



Kate Beckinsale and I just came twice I'm sleepy :



Salma Hayek and Siri what's Spanish for "motorboat"?:



Jessica Alba and why was she there it was about acting oh that's right tits:

As Paul Mooney once said, Angelina Jolie could bring a live chicken home and say she adopted it and Brad Pitt would jump up and say, "Come here, chicken! I'm your new daddy!". And this is one of the reasons why. For his 48th birthday, she bought him a waterfall. A WATERFALL.Us Magazine reports:

The In the Land of Blood and Honey director, 36, purchased a waterfall in California for longtime love Brad Pitt, according to The Daily Mail. The grand gesture served as both Pitt's 48th birthday and Christmas presents. Pitt, who has six children with Jolie, is planning to build a house over the waterfall inspired by his favorite American architect, Frank Lloyd Wright. "Brad has dreamed of a home with the sound of a waterfall cascading under the house," a source tells the site. "He wants to pull all aspects of nature, light, glass and varying levels into the concept." "Angelina wanted to get him something incredibly special and, because she knows how much he loves architecture, she thought this would be perfect," a source tells The Daily Mail. "This is the present to top all presents."

It's already been well-documented that Angelina will fuck you anywhere at anytime and she might even ask one of her chick friends to join in. Now after that, instead of getting a sandwich, you get a fucking waterfall. Step your game up, ladies.

Well, this is one explanation for all those adoptions. You know, aside from the PR and photo ops to rehab her "husband stealing, blood wearing, drug addled" former image. Us Weekly reports:

n the January issue of Marie Claire, Angelina Jolie, 36, says she's open to expanding her brood of six with partner Brad Pitt, 47. "Nothing planned at the moment, but we just don't know," the Oscar winner says. "I could end up pregnant."

Other than falling asleep on a park bench, how do you just "end up" pregnant? If you're having sex with Brad Pitt, you don't "end up" pregnant. You lie and tell him you're already pregnant so he doesn't get all huffy about using a condom, then he gets you pregnant so you can trap him into never leaving you. Seriously, they taught this in health class the day after they showed us Faces of Meth.