Ashlee Simpson was excited when she landed the role of Violet Foster on Melrose Place. The producers were so excited they just fired her yesterday along with costar Colin Egglesfwhateverthefuck. People reports:

The decision to cut the two actors has been “the original plan going into the development of the show,” executive producer Todd Slavkin tells EW. “We felt that once the murder mystery [involving their characters] was resolved, the tone of the show was going to shift … and [Simpson-Wentz's] character would move on.” In a statement released after the announcement, Simpson-Wentz said, “Having the chance to play Violet on Melrose Place has been a thrill. Although I always knew her story would come to a final, insanely unpredictable end, playing a creepy, unstable character was something I always wanted to do, so I jumped at the chance. Thanks to the CW and the entire cast and crew of Melrose Place for allowing me this opportunity.”

If anybody is to blame for this it's Obama. I mean, what happened to the millions of jobs he was gonna create?! When rich, untalented white people can't get work standing on an X and saying words other people wrote, what's gonna happen to our society?!! WAKE UP AMERICA!!!

Ashlee celebrating her 25th birthday at Wet Republic:

Being the hottest Simpson sister is like being the hottest burn victim, but the hottest one has an actual job, a husband, and a baby. One of those three might be gone soon. Star reports:

In between filming scenes on Sept. 23, an overly flirty Ashlee got touchy-feely with Colin while her husband, Pete Wentz, was on tour in Dallas with Fall Out Boy. Dressed only in a loosely tied robe, Ash, who plays not-so-innocent Violet Foster, kept grabbing Colin's hand and hugging him repeatedly, an eyewitness tells Star. "They hung out together for hours. She giggled nonstop and did the whole hair-flip thing." Ashlee has been crushing hard on Colin, who plays nice guy Auggie Kirkpatrick, since she scored the role on Melrose. "One of the first things Ash said was, 'The guy who plays Auggie is really hot,'" reveals a close friend. But while Ashlee is giddy over Colin, her husband is jealous — and the two have been fighting worse than ever over her costar, which is starting to affect her work. On a few occasions, she broke down in sobs after angry phone calls, says a Melrose set source.

Whatever. Please keep in mind, her husband is this guy. Of course she's hot for cock. She'd have a better chance of getting laid by Pete Wentz if she somehow managed to transform into My Chemical Romance.

For some reason Ashlee Simpson is on the cover of the October issue of Redbook, and when she was asked about her sister, she had nothing but wonderful things to say about Jessica's fabulous life and how every woman would be lucky to be Jessica Simpson. Or, you know, whatever means the exact opposite of that. Us Magazine reports:

"She's always saying, 'Oh, I want a baby!'" Ashlee, 24, who welcomed Bronx 10 months ago, tells the October issue of Redbook. When asked if she envies her single sister, who was dumped by Tony Romo in July, Ashlee admits, "I really don't."

Instead of this interview, Ashlee Simpson should have just wrapped Jessica up in a tarp, set it on fire, then threw her off a cliff. You know, in case people accidentally misunderstood her point.

The emo corpse bride leaving Nobu:

There have been quiet rumors for a while now that Jessica Simpson has always been an undercover alcoholic, so of course one of the first few times she goes out after she got dumped she got completely shitfaced. But let's not get carried away. A drunk Southern blonde chick with big tits is only a danger to herself. And my heart.

God knows why anybody would watch this, but here's the promo for the reboot of Melrose Place on the increasingly gay CW, which stars Ashlee Simpson as Violet Foster, "a small-town girl trying her luck in L.A., who has a disarming naiveté [that] masks the calculating, shrewd sex kitten within". Man, that sounds like a pretty original character. Maybe I can play the Native American pool boy with the mysterious past who bangs all the white girls in the building until one goes dick crazy and tries to drown me. I mean, I can make it pretty realistic.I have video footage and sworn statements if the producers are interested.

Note: In case you missed it, the tagline for this shit is “No apartment building has ever been so complex." Jesus, really? Who do I need to blow to get a TV writing gig?

Never one to let good taste or reality get in the way of an idea, Joe Simpson is at it again. Page Six reports:

THAT Joe Simpson, never one to miss an opportunity, is trying to revive Ashlee Simpson's record career by pitching a concept album on which Ashlee would record songs of Michael Jackson.

Ashlee Simpson's voice sounds like a baby seal being electrocuted, so what better way to showcase her talents by covering the songs of one of the greatest singers of the last 50 years? Maybe next Joe Simpson can get the Bush's Baked Beans dog to cover Sam Cooke or Big Mouth Billy Bass to cover Michael Crawford. He should back up the truck, because this is obviously going to be a money-making extravaganza.

Who else wants to crack Pete Wentz's jaw? I can't be the only one, right?:

I can't be surprised that Ashless Simpson has taken to uploading personal pictures to her Twitter account, via TwitPic, which isn't password protected and where your updates aren't secure.

Though I am a big fan of this whole celebrity TwitPic thing, it's the same way we picked up on the Demi Moore panties shot, and although the most interesting Ashlee Simpson pics are the almost lesbian kiss above and her uniquely bizarre splits-while-pregnant shot, here's hoping to a long future of self-photographed celebrities.

Though through all the behind-the-scenes Wentz/Simpson stuff I've seen has started getting me thinking about adopting a bulldog. Or I could just steal one of theirs. I'd take Rigs.

Yes, that's John Mayer making a rap song for his YouTube channel. "I like sex and I'm good at it," the sample says. Thus far, the only person agreeing is Jennifer Aniston. And she's only agreeing with the "I like sex" part. [YouTube]

Hayden Panettiere is in Hawaii sticking her tiny nose where it doesn't belong. What "awareness" is she raising now? [LaineyGossip]

Porn star Bree Olsen has a healthy bowel movement before the AVN awards. See, porn stars are just like us! Except they have vast amounts of sex... Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

Nicollette Sheridan upskirts are a good way to spend a slow Monday. If you wank to panties on Monday, you've earned full-on porn by Friday. Site NSFW. [TaxiDriverMovie]

If your mom buys you condoms, you're at least as lame as Zac Efron. [FatBackMedia]

When does Jennifer Love Hewitt dare to look her age? When she goes grocery shopping. [ICYDK]

Mischa Barton blogged her breakup before anyone could report it, mistakenly thinking that we still cared what Mischa Barton was up to? How about she makes a good movie or something instead of slutting herself out? [ImNotObsessed]

Ashlee Simpson is moving to Melrose Place where she will be overly sexualized and no one will mention that a baby named Bronx has already been pushed through that vag (hint: rhymes with Madge). [EW]