Last week, there was a gas station explosion in Vegas, and the person killed was named Brandon Davis. No, not this Brandon Davis, but that’s what Perez and TMZ reported. According to the Long Island Press:

So: Brandon Davis, the 31-year-old grandson of Marvin Davis, heir to a boatload of money, former dater of Mischa Barton and the guy who deftly referred to Lindsay Lohan as a “firecrotch,” (can’t say the guy was wrong there) is not dead. Brandon Davis, the 26-year-old resident of Las Vegas who we really don’t know anything about, is dead. Both TMZ.com and Perez Hilton reported the Hollywood socialite Davis was the one killed in a gas station explosion in Vegas last week. This is one of those rare instances TMZ is wrong and one of those daily instances Perez Hilton is wrong.

Damn. I don’t know anything about the Brandon Davis that was killed, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say he was a more productive and useful member of society than the “Hollywood socialite”. He could have been a crack-smoking welfare recipient with a fondness for elder abuse and scalping kittens, but I’d still say he deserved it less than Greasy McFlopsweat up there. Stick him on the kitchen counter and he doubles as a Presto FryDaddy. Oh wait! I think we’ve found his purpose.

Brandon Davis crashed into Pink's car after he left some trendy bullshit L.A. circle jerk this weekend. See, this is what happens when you drink those fruity drinks with umbrellas. You dress in really gay clothes and stick things up your ass. Next time go for a couple shots of Jack instead and skip the hat, Brandy.

Several online reports are claiming that Victoria's Secret model, Miranda Kerr, and Orlando Bloom have split. The reason for the split is that Kerr has been seen all over town with...oh God I can't even say it....Brandon...I think I'm gonna be sick....InTouch says:

...she has rebounded into the arms of her former flame, oil heir Brandon Davis. The Victoria's Secret model and Brandon were first seen together shopping on LA's Robertson Boulevard last November but at the time they both insisted they were just pals. On July 12, Brandon, who recently split from Australian model Cheyenne Tozzi, and Miranda's friendship took a romantic turn - they were spotted canoodling at two clubs in NYC. Brandon, 27, and Miranda were "full on making out" says a witness at 1Oak. The pair was also spotted kissing at Beatrice Inn later that night. "They didn't seem to care who saw," the witness reveals."

No matter how much satin and velvet I used to make this jewelery box for Miranda Kerr, there comes a point where I have to realize that she's a model. And like all models, she's gonna prance in her underwear for a while then marry a millionaire douchebag and spend the rest of her life on a yacht in the South of France being hand fed penguin sushi by a Jamaican steward named Remy. Fine, if that's what she wants. When she's ready, she knows where to find my preferred customer table at Applebee's.

Miranda and Orlando a few months ago:


Photos: Splash

At Paris Hilton's recent birthday party in Los Angeles, Brandon Davis reportedly spent the majority of the night making fun of one of fellow guest, Paula Abdul's, Middle Eastern ancestry. He was so offensive that Paula Abdul left and Paris refused to talk to him for the rest of the night. A witness said:

He was mocking her. He kept on saying her last name over and over again, and then would insert his made-up version of an Arabic language. He was being very lewd and graphic and making sexual overtures to her in between being completely insulting."

This might have been mildly funny if Brandon's real last name wasn't Zerif and his father wasn't a Turkish wine importer. God, I hate this jackass. He's a complete fuckup who was lucky enough to be born rich, yet he spends his free time being Paris Hilton's lap dog. You don't need Stone Phillips to tell you that this guy needs some kind of help. I'm not a therapist, but I think something along the lines of "blunt force trauma" might do the trick.

"Firecrotch" on March 6th:


Note: Just so we're clear, Brandon Davis' mother is the daughter of late oil billionaire Marvin Davis. His estimated worth at the time of his death in 2004 was close to $5 billion, but the family has quickly pissed most of that away and the Davis family wealth is rumored to be "less than a few hundred million if that." Barbara Davis, Marvin's widow, recently sold their $46 million home and moved into a Beverly Hills hotel.

Source

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In case you were wondering, Brandon Davis spent the weekend coughing and scratching his nads. Forget all those pesky stoves and pans, Brandon's so hot and oily you could whip up stir fry or fajitas right on his forehead and belly. Get yourself a Brandon Davis Grill today. Hurry while supplies last!

Labels: brandon davis