You already know who won Oscars last night (Banner pic spoilers if you don't, grandpa. Try to keep up), so you already know that Kathryn Bigelow ordered at 14-year old Russian runaway and a double-sided dildo to celebrate and James Cameron adopted an entire Haitian family so he could fly them to his private island to film The Hurt Really Fucking Bad Locker, so here's some pics from the Vanity Fair after party. Seriously, what do you want from me? Actual reporting? C'mon, let's not get carried away here.


I realize Bar Refaeli doesn't look like Chrisitina Hendricks, so I guess that means she's not a "real woman". I'm confused I guess, because she's seems pretty real when Hendrick's husband jacks off to her when Hendrick's is sexily stripping out of her 24-hour Rebar spanx. Ooohh, like that baby.



Shitty music and grating personality aside, Katy Perry has a fantastic rack, and that pretty much all that matters to me. So, if you're a chick and you have a fantastic rack, Greg from Accounting, although he pretends to, doesn't really care about the new sweater you bought for your Pomeranian or the new vegan recipe you want him to try, he's just trying to titty fuck you. Hope that clears things up.



Cameron Diaz the Ever-Living showed up, but she didn't stay long. Apparently she got a collect call from Third Earth saying Panthro fixed the ThunderTank so she had revert to her mummified form, and enter her sarcophagus to rejuvenate herself. "Mumm-raaaaaaaa!!!!", she was overhead as saying.



I don't know what kind of buffet Jessica Simpson went to before the party, but obviously it was good enough for her to say fuck it, i'm just gonna wear a sheet. Simple, yet practical, her thighs can heat up the Hot Pockets while she mingled.

When you've tricked the world for 17 years into thinking you're an international sex symbol, you probably think you look fantastic in a bikini on the set of your new movie Knight and Day. Unfortunately for you, today's post is brought to you by the phrase, "oh, fuck no bitch."

As look at these pictures of Cameron Diaz's fug ass at last night's 2009 MTV Movie Awards, please keep in mind that she is considered a sex symbol and is one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood. On the other hand, at the 1809 MTV Movie Awards, Cameron Diaz would be tied up in a corn field to ward off crows and evil spirits.

Whhhat? Oh, it's for a movie? A movie about cancer. That's a downer. [BadandUgly]

Michelle Rodriguez says she's "born again" which must mean she woke up half-submerged in some lesbian's vagina again. [FatBackMedia]

The best Sweet Child O' Mine that I've heard in awhile was actually played in a subway station. [CityRag]

Patrick Swayze looks like he could die any day now. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

Joss Whedon and Eliza Dushku at Paley Fest just reminded me how much it must suck to be Joss Whedon and not be able to sleep with Eliza Dushku. You know he wants to. Look at him. Look at HER. [ImNotObsessed]

Rupert Everett got MAJOR plastic sugery. Like the kind where I didn't think that was Rupert Everett. [ICYDK]

Is Britney dating one of her dancers? If that dancer has a subconscious death wish, I'd believe it. [LaineyGossip]

I really need to consult the oracle to find out why Cameron Diaz is famous. She can't act, she's a well-documented delusional bitch (ex. 1 of 4,200), and she looks like something that just punched out of a grave. Christ, if I saw this walking out of a building I wouldn't know whether to stab it in the brain or take it to my lab and study it. Why did you come here?! What do you want with us??!!!

Yesterday was the Film Independent Spirit Awards, where The Wrestler grabbed top honors and added another Best Actor win for Mickey Rourke who will go head-to-head with Sean Penn tonight. But starting this off with tales of bloated-corpse Rourke and Sean Penn as gay activist Harvey Milk is sort of in the wrong direction.

I've collected the highlights of last night's female attendees including Jessica Alba looking like a 30-year-old babysitter, Elizabeth Banks looking kinda busted, Cameron Diaz looking like a wax-sculpture, Eliza Dushku and her round face, Lucy Liu in pink, Penelope Cruz in brown and a surprise win for hottest by re-emerging starlet Claire Danes, who manages to look better than her contemporaries, somehow. What's that girl been eating?

Oh, so that's where hipsters come from. I would have thought a horse's ass, but this is pretty close.

Carmen Electra might be addicted to sex toys. Also reported: She's not even trying to hide that hideous bra. [Hollywood Tuna]

Lily Allen: “I know lots of people who take cocaine three nights a week and get up and go to work...But we never hear that side of the story." [I'm Not Obsessed]

Real World: Brooklyn vs. real world Brooklyn [Complex]

Cameron Diaz nipple-slips? Why not? [City Rag]

Vanna White is 1987 naked [Fatback]

Busted-looking star of the day: Debra Messing. [Celebslam]

Cindy Crawford doesn't let her daughter watch Hanna Montana because it makes her a little bitch. [Celebitchy]

I know this is gonna be hard to believe, but Cameron Diaz showed up at a party and acted like an insufferable pain in the ass. I know, I couldn't believe it either. AOL UK says:

"Cameron Diaz upset guests by refusing to share her cigarettes at a party. The 'In Her Shoes' actress, who was attending a lavish Halloween bash hosted by her close friend Drew Barrymore at her Hollywood Hills home, managed to annoy other partygoers by spending most of the evening smoking. A source told the New York Post newspaper: "Cameron was outside smoking the whole time, but when a couple of people asked if she had a cigarette, she always said no. It was so rude."

Seriously, is there a story about Cameron Diaz that doesn't involve her being a bitch? I don't know. All I know is that engineers should start making the cars of the future run on how much people want to slap this chick. Don't worry, it's a renewable energy.