Esquire has named Halle Berry the Sexiest Woman Alive 2008. Yeah, sure, okay. Halle and I were discussing this very thing in bed the other day, and we both agreed that Megan Fox would have been a better choice. Nothing against Halle, but she already has a half brown baby. To be honest, it would be kinda redundant.

If they make an X-Men 4, they should change Halle Berry's power from manipulating the weather to turning celebrity gossip blogs into pregnancy fetish sites.

It seems Halle Berry has been pregnant for the past two years, but turns out it was only for nine months. Now she's not pregnant at all. Star Magazine says:

Halle Berry had a 7lb 4 oz girl at 10:17am Sunday morning, March 16, at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles. The actress had checked into the hospital for the second time that day after feeling contractions earlier Saturday morning ... Halle was overcome with emotion when she finally held her little girl. She said everything she had gone through was worth that moment. The tears kept coming as Halle didn't even want the nurses to take her baby to clean her up and measure. It was a truly beautiful scene."

Congratulations, a girl. A girl whose parents are Halle Berry and this dude. Man, I hope it all works out for her. I know it's going to be tough being picked on in school and having to work twice as hard to achieve her goals because of how ugly she's gonna be. In fact, they might even have to home school her.

Halle Berry showed up at the London premiere of Things We Lost in the Fire yesterday and...uhhhh...goddamn her rack is huge. If these things get any bigger, she'll be giving romantic sunset balloon rides for wedding anniversaries by the third trimester.

It's sad when a 40-something pregnant chick is the best thing on our home page, but it gets better when you realize it's Halle Berry. Damn, she's hot. She could shoot me in the stomach and I'd apologize for getting blood on her shirt. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking, baby.

Due to death threats to her unborn baby, Halle Berry hired security guards to protect her around the clock. Halle was sent anonymous letters which also include racist fueled ramblings. The letters are believed to be from a single individual.

One said she and her child would be "cut into hundreds of pieces". Halle, 41, who has a white father and an African-American mother, is expecting her first child with white Canadian model Gabriel Aubry. A source close to the actress said: "Halle does not normally use security but she has taken on a couple of guys to make sure." Police are investigating the threats."

Maybe somebody should point out to this jackass that Halle Berry is only 50% black and the Gabriel Aubry is 100% white. If my math is right, that makes the baby only 25% black. That's not even enough to be good at basketball. Or stomping the yard. If he wants to send a letter to somebody so bad, send one to Derek Jeter. He's half black. He also gave me herpes. Well, he gave Jessica Alba herpes. And well, I won't get into details because I'm a gentleman.

Note: Halle's mother is white and her father is black, so the author of the source article is a little backwards. Which means Halle could have been the one making racist the death threats for all we know.


Source

In what scholars will later call the least surprising news of 2007, Halle Berry, 40, has confirmed that she and model Gabriel Aubry, 32, are expecting a baby next year. Halle says:

Yes, I am three months pregnant. Gabriel and I are beyond excited and I've waited a long time for this moment in my life. Now the next seven months will be the longest of my life!"

Well, isn't this great? This kid is gonna have a model for a dad and freakin' Halle Berry for a mom. By the time this kid hits high school, he'll have collected more virgins than a Drosophila laboratory.


People cover thanks to People

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Kimberly Stewart is shopping and Photoshopping [Hollywood Rag]
Luke Wilson visits his brother [Just Jared]
Cindy Crawford is stacked [Hollywood Tuna]
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Jessica Alba's fake nipples [City Rag]
Lindsay Lohan gets down on a toilet [ASL]
Jaime Pressly does Arena UK [Popoholic]
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