When I heard "Leather and Lace" party, I think I got all overly excited and had to change out my Spongebob Boxers for the ones with a bow over the fly that say "This Package Is For You."

And although Kim Kardashian, Jenny McCarthy and Carmen Electra were attending, there was a disturbing lack of: 1) Leather, 2) Lace, 3) A logical reason for me to wear my fancy underpants.

When I went to bed, looking at the mirror I have installed on the ceiling, I read my own underoos: "This Package Is For You." Then, I cried myself to sleep.

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy are in Hawaii right now, and I think I speak for everyone when I say Jenny McCarthy looks absolutely fantastic. I don't want to brag, but so do my new batch of lemon cookies! What can I say? Jim Carrey and I are just living the dream!

Jennifer Garner is still pregnant [Popsugar]
Danielle Lloyd's juicy bikini pictures [Hollywood Tuna]
Angelina Jolie's kids have new hair [Dlisted]
Mary-Kate Olsen's garbage bag kid fashion [Hollywood Rag]
Eva Mendes is wearing somebody's curtains [Just Jared]
Jessica Simpson is going to make Tony Romo's house ugly [Lainey Gossip]
Rihanna's boring video shoot (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Paris Hilton's wonky eye rolls on [City Rag]
Blake Lively in tight jeans part 8 [Popoholic]
More of Ali Larter at the beach [Egotastic]
Michelle Rodriguez is back from the dead [ASL]
Olivia Munn's personal bikini pic (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]

Jenny McCarthy and her nipples on August 23rd:

Jenny McCarthy is famous for being naked, so these pictures of her in Malibu aren't as hot as they should be. But since she's been so hot for so long that it really doesn't even matter. Just like back in 1995, the forecast still calls for me to have sex with her at my parents' wake if given the chance. I think I can speak for everyone when I say, "Fuck you, Jim Carrey."

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy were in Malibu this weekend for a 4th of July party, but today Carrey is taking the Internet by storm because he decided to put on Jenny's swimsuit and walk around on the beach. Jim Carrey gets to roll off Jenny McCarthy every night, so if he wants to wear her swimsuit, then by all means, he should go for it. Because I'm not really sure if this was a joke so much as it was his way of saying "Jenny McCarthy was wearing this swimsuit earlier, but I was there when she took it off because I banged her and when she got off her knees I told her I was going to put her swimsuit on and go outside and she was cool with it, and look she is even holding my hand in public while I am wearing it even though there are a billion cameras around." Later, Jim Carrey ate baby dolphin pate, leased a spaceship for a tour of Saturn, and did other stuff to fully drive the point home that his life is better than yours.



Photos: Splash

Phoebe Price chicken cutlet boobs and dead skin at the beach [Dlisted]
Salma Hayek grows a beard [Hollywood Tuna]
Christina Aguilera's pussy pits [City Rag]
Anna Faris almost slips a boob [Hollywood Rag]
Tom Cruise has another attention whore photo-op [Just Jared]
Jennifer Love Hewitt buttfucks her man (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Mischa Barton joins more C-listers at the MTV Australia Awards [Popsugar]
Jodie Marsh shows off her trashy thong (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Batman vs. The Dark Knight Trailer [College Humor]
Brooke Hogan poolside fugliness [Egotastic]
Paris Hilton precious moments [ASL]
Hilary Duff is still trying too hard to be hot [Popoholic]

Jenny McCarthy at the White House Correspondents Association dinner, April 26:

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's kids think they're dorks [Dlisted]
Hulk Hogan Japanese commercial [College Humor]
Anna Farris is a sexy bunny [Hollywood Tuna]
Gwyneth Paltrow uses snake venom [Hollywood Rag]
Scary Spice is in a bikini [Egotastic]
Bruce Willis is a pretty girl [City Rag]
Jude Law and Cameron Diaz had a dinner date [Just Jared]
David Beckham is still sitting on the sideline [Popsugar]
Heidi Montag is still trying too hard to be famous [Popoholic]
Denise Richards is probably crazy [ASL]
Heidi Klum shows off her thong (NSFW ads) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Eva Herzigova's upskirt (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Joanna Krupa in Ralph mag [Horny Oyster]