When you pose in enough bikinis like Kelly Brook has and there are rich businessmen in the world, this was bound to happen sooner or later. Think Indecent Proposal except Robert Redford is some French asshole who quite possibly needs a prescription refill. Mail Online reports:

The 32-year-old model was recently approached by a French businessman who wanted her to re-enact a moment from hit film Indecent Proposal where Demi Moore spends the night with a stranger in return for $1million....According to The Mirror, the businessman who is known only as Frederic, interrupted a photocall session which Brook was attending at the Majestic Barriere hotel and offered her a cheque for €1million in return for 'one night' with her. Brook was a bit confused at first and thought it was nothing more than a prank set up by Lemon - whose film she was promoting at the 65th Cannes Film Festival. But Frederic, who is said to be in his thirties, wouldn't give up and allegedly tried to grab the brunette. 'Just one night! Please, one night! I have money!' he shouted as Brook suddenly realised there was a problem. A bodyguard came to the rescue and escorted the man away and was ejected from the French hotel.

Man, this guy's pretty smooth. I hope to order his secret seduction techniques offered for a limited time in the DVD boxset, "Man Who Is Only Known As Frederic" later today.

In what will probably be my favorite site in the history of the Internet, Kelly Brook has a Tumblr. And here's some pics from that Tumblr. Have you noticed lately about the horrific stories on the news and there really seems to be no justice or peace in the world? And the suffering, divisiveness, and hatred are reaching a boiling point and no matter how decent you try to be it makes no difference? That's because God is masturbating to Kelly Brook's Tumblr. Way to go. Nice on job on being a perv, God.

Kelly Brook was at The Giles Deacon Runway Show during London Fashion Week last night, where a gay man's designs were locked in a battle of wills with everybody in the room thinking about titty fucking the chick in the front row. Or something like that. I guess the whole point of this post is to bring attention to Kelly Brook's insane rack. I hope that was clear to everyone.

Don't worry, it's not child bearing. Kelly Brook is famous for two reasons, and she covered both of them up this week. She may want to reconsider. I don't think the Meisner technique would work as well as a V-neck in her auditions for the sequels to such fine art as Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo and Piranha.

Demi Lovato posted a picture of herself wearing a wig, a cross, and no tits, but Kelly Brook posted pics on Twitter dressed as a sexy Santa. She got it a little wrong though. Because I'd like to come down her chimney. See what I did there? Haha, I crack myself up!

From what I'm told, one of Kelly Brook's Twitter followers asked her if this was a real account of just some dude pretending to be Kelly Brook. In response, Kelly tweeted this picture. Cool, but how do we know if her vagina is real? I think she should answer this question and settle this unsubstantiated rumor that I just made up.

As you look at these pics of Kelly Brook in NUTS, please keep in mind that God hates her and has cursed her womb to forever be a mini-Auschwitz for unborn fetuses. Yet Michelle Duggar has twenty kids who will all grow up to offer you pamphlets at your door. I don't know, man. If God existed, you'd think he'd be a bigger fan of Eugenics.

It takes a lot of time and effort to make Kelly Brook physically unattractive, but here she dressed as Bella from the shitty Twilight movies. So I guess it was either this or marrying an Iraqi guy then showing her ankle in public. I hear acid in the face can make you pretty unattractive as well.