M.I.A. proved how edgy she is at the Super Bowl yesterday, where she gave cameras the finger while reciting lyrics like "I don't give a shit." Is this what flat chested girls do to get attention instead of ripping their tops off? Because really, if anything says "rebel," it's lip syncing along with a 53-year-old woman. I hear she may try jay-walking next. Look at this badass!

Seeing as we're in a global recession, Madonna has come under fire for charging so much for concert tickets. Her response was cute. NME reports:

Madonna has shrugged off complaints that her live shows are too expensive and told her fans to "work all year" so they can spend their money on gig tickets. The singer is expected to tour this year in support of her new album 'MDNA', which is released on March 26, but told Newsweek that people should be prepared to save their cash and pay top prices if they wanted to see her in concert. She said: "Start saving your pennies now. People spend $300 (£190) on crazy things all the time, things like handbags. So work all year, scrape the money together and come to my show. I'm worth it."

Please tell me this bitch wasn't serious. If I'm paying $300 to see an aging, veiny hag gyrate her pelvis and lip sync in a pathetic attempt to stay relevant and hip, it better at least end in Adderall and nitrous oxide. Wait, who were we talking about again?

Madonna won an award no one cares about. Except Elton John, because he lost it. So did his husband. On Facebook. Because apparently everyone involved is a 14-year-old girl. The New York Post reports:

Sir Elton John and David Furnish are fuming over Madonna’s Golden Globes win. After John predicted on the red carpet that Madonna had “no [bleep]ing chance of winning,” he was stone-faced when Madge — at her first Globes appearance in 14 years — triumphed for best original song Sunday night. Her tune “Masterpiece,” from “W.E.,” beat John’s “Hello, Hello” from “Gnomeo and Juliet.” After the win, Furnish posted on Facebook: “Madonna. Best song???? [bleep] off!!!” After her acceptance speech Madonna delivered in a bizarre English accent, Furnish told us: “I think it was a fluke . . . When this happens you have to question the integrity of the awards. Did Madonna get the Golden Globe because she attended the awards and agreed be a presenter?” He added, “Can you sing Madonna’s song? Can you hum it? It’s a song nobody has heard, from a film few have seen. The award should have gone to Mary J. Blige or Elton. I like Madonna’s music, but not her movies. She should stick to what she is good at.”

Even the Hollywood Foreign Press Association knows the Golden Globes have nothing to do with merit, so I don't know why this is so surprising to them. Madonna has an upcoming movie and a new album to promote, so she wins. Elton John should stay home from all award ceremonies until Kate Middleton has enough kids to warrant a carefully orchestrated car crash. Then he might matter enough for people to care again.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Madonna does not give a shit -- just ask her about "Born This Way." Us Weekly reports:

"I thought, this is a wonderful way to redo my song ["Express Yourself"]," she tells the mag. "I mean, I recognized the chord changes. I thought it was... interesting." Madonna, 53, isn't the first to question the originality of Gaga's hit song. In April, NME asked the 25-year-old pop star if she thought "Born this Way" was a knockoff of Madonna's song, and she was outraged. "I'm a songwriter. I've written loads of music," she fumed. "Why would I try to put out a song and think I'm getting one over on everybody?" She raged on: "What a completely ridiculous thing to even question me about… If you put the songs next to each other, side by side, the only similarities are the chord progression. It's the same one that's been in disco music for the last 50 years. Just because I'm the first f***ing artist in 25 years to think of putting it on Top 40 radio, it doesn‚t mean I'm a plagiarist, it means that I‚m f***ing smart. Sorry."

In a sitdown interview with ABC News, Madge continued:

The "Material Girl" sounded lukewarm in U.S. interviews released on Friday, calling her influence on Gaga's music "interesting" and "amusing." Sometimes. "I certainly think she references me a lot in her work. And sometimes I think it's amusing and flattering and well done," Madonna, 53, told ABC News in a television interview. "There's a lot of ways to look at it. I can't really be annoyed by it...because obviously, I've influenced her," the pop star told ABC. The comparisons between the two divas, both known for combining provocative stunts with catchy dance-pop hits, came to a head when Gaga released her "Born This Way" single last February. The song was instantly likened to Madonna's 1989 hit "Express Yourself". "When I heard it on the radio .I said that sounds very familiar," Madonna said. Asked if that felt annoying, Madonna responded, "It felt reductive."

Well damn. I would elaborate further, but Madonna pretty much owned Lady Gaga so much that she could probably change her name to Toby.

While her older brother is homeless and living under a bridge in Michigan, Madonna is still trying to make people believe that she's British and talented. So she directed a movie set in 1937 about the life of Wallace Simpszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Radar Online reports:

Madonna got a chilly reception when she walked the red carpet at the screening of her new film W.E. in London on Sunday, and for once the English weather wasn't to blame. The Queen of Pop was booed by the British crowd when she arrived at the Empire Cinema in Leicester Square for the screening of her film at the 55th annual BFI London Film Festival in her adopted homeland. It's not the first time that Madonna's latest directorial venture has been bashed. As RadarOnline.com previously reported, W.E. was slammed by critics when it premiered at the Venice Film Festival in September. The Wallace Simpson biopic is based on the life of the American socialite who married Prince Edward, future King of England, in 1937, forcing him to abdicate the throne.

Whatever. Of course it was going to suck. Just like the movie Lady Gaga is going to direct that's set in 1973 about the life of the Armenian social worker Simpson Wallace who married Prince Tedward. See? It's not the same thing!

Last week, Madonna basically beheaded an Italian reporter with her eyes after he dared give her hydrangeas as a gift. But Madonna doesn't think she's fully driven the point home that she's an ungrateful cunt yet, so she took the time to make this video to make sure we know. "My next video will be a :46 silent movie.", Lady Gaga said in a statement immediately after watching this.

In an interview with the French newspaper Le Soir, Madonna basically says what we already knew. That Lady Gaga does everything Madonna has already done and hopes nobody notices. E! Online reports:

Hydrangeas aren't the only thing Madonna's been sniffing at lately. Lady Gaga has spoken openly about her love for the Material Girl and has paid homage to the pioneering pop star both in song and performance style. But it appears that her admiration society isn't a mutual one. When a French newspaper recently asked about her superfamous adoring fan, Madonna didn't have much to say in the way of encouragement—or appreciation. "As for Lady Gaga, I have no comment to make about her obsessions having to do with me because I don't know whether her behavior is rooted in something deep and meaningful, or superficial," Madonna reportedly told Le Soir.

I've pretty much said all I've needed to say about Lady Gaga here, and Madonna looks like she just dug out of grave now, so I honestly don't care either way. I'm just more concerned about Perez Hilton. He must be really torn right now. With his loyalties, I mean. Not his rectum. Well, that too I guess. Who's to say, really?

Madonna was at the Venice Film Festival this weekend where a reporter, as a thoughtful gesture, gave her hydrangeas as a gift. But please keep in mind, Madonna is an elitist cunt. It's hard to tell by her reaction if he gave her flowers or a baby's head on a stick.