Madonna gave a free concert at Roseland Ballroom in New York City last night promote her new CD, and one of the highlights of the night is when she dry humped Justin Timberlake. Just like those sexy stories you read in AARP magazine!

Besides the fact that he's hitting this, punching Justin Timberlake in his vagina seems like a reasonable reaction in just about every possible scenario. Like last night, when he introduced Madonna at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony, where he threw a thinly-veiled insult at one of his famous ex-girlfriends. Us Magazine reports:

She has still found time to kiss someone I may or may not have publicly kissed myself while I was in the audience" Timberlake said. "Of course you know I was talking about Sean Penn."...Timberlake punctuated his remarks with, "The world has always been full of Madonna wannabes and I might have even dated a couple."

Man, that was hilarious. Almost as hilarious as the fact that Justin Timberlake's next album cover should be a picture of Justin kneeling in between Michael Jackson and Timbaland. And Michael Jackson and Timbaland should be unzipping their pants. You know, just to clear up any misunderstandings Justin's fans might have.


Justin Timberlake before he heard Thriller:

Madonna is being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on Monday night, but unlike every other living artist that has been awarded this honor, Madonna is refusing to perform. Fox News says:

Madonna is either too busy or too famous to perform at Monday night's New York dinner for Jann Wenner's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Wenner must have lost his touch. In the old days, he could make inductees do anything. Instead, sources say, the Kabbalah-loving, recently refreshed Material Mom will just show up, get toasted by Justin Timberlake and be serenaded by rock/punk legend Iggy Pop on some of her hits."

Ironically, Iggy Pop was in the band The Stooges, who released their first album in 1969 and are hailed as one of the first bands to issue in a new genre of music - a little something called "punk rock". Many consider Fun House and Raw Power to be two of the greatest albums of all time. They are not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. So, just so we're clear, the lead singer of one of the most influential punk bands of all time has to prance around stage singing songs about gay dances and pushing love over the borderline. Awesome. Maybe they can also dress him up in a kangaroo costume or drop a boulder on his head. You know, just to make sure he's fully covered on the embarrassment front.

Update: More on Madonna's Hall of Fame induction ceremony here.

A few of these are NSFW:


Update: Katie sent us Madonna's new single. It's called "4 minutes" and it features Justin Timberlake and is produced by Timbaland. Check it out here.

Guests at Ashton Kutcher's 30th birthday party at Socialista on February 7th, who included Demi Moore, Madonna, Lucy Liu, Salma Hayek, Kate Hudson and Bruce Willis, have been urged to get tested and vaccinated for hepatitis after an employee at the West Village nightspot was diagnosed with the disease. Page Six reports:

A Socialista bartender named Leif, who's now in the hospital, was diagnosed with a raging case of Hep A. We're told the Health Department yesterday visited the club that former Bungalow 8 doorman Armin Armiri opened last fall, but Armiri said, "We're not closed down, we're just concerned for our customers."

That's weird, because if they wanted me to get concerned, with the exception of Bruce Willis, they should've come up with a better list of names than this. Madonna and Lucy Liu might have hepatitis? Oh my, heavens no! Are they all right? Will they be okay? Will Lucy Liu's agent still be able to cast her as fourth alternate in the next Gwen Stefani video? Man, I sure do hope so!

Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Rumer Willis, and Salma Hayek last night:

Here's a fun, retro, topical post for you:

My, how things have changed...


Seriously, is Missy Elliott ever going to come out of the closet?



Update: Check out relatively unknown, redheaded and banged Lindsay Lohan behind Paris Hilton. Planning her attack. "Heh, heh, heh... One day I shall be sluttier than all of these sluts in front of me, you shall see. My minions shall refer to me as "Hohan," and I shall rule a slut empire."

Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn announced via their "People" that they're divorcing after whatever amount of years and too long having been together, and thank God because they sucked as a couple. Sean Penn was loved when he was Spicoli, then he married Madonna and got angry and stuck up. Then he married The Princess Bride, turned into a self-important, egocentric prick, and made almost everyone hate him. It could be worse, though. He could be at the bottom of a lake. You can't breathe there. Unless you're a fish. I don't think Sean Penn is a fish. Oh, God I hope he's not a fish!


P.S: I'm glad Princess Robin followed my advice. Well done, Buttercup.

P.P.S.: See, I told you so.

Page Six has another "Madonna is a massive bitch" story today.

The pop queen paid a visit to the Reebok Sports Club on Columbus Avenue Saturday morning for a yoga class. According to a member of the class, when Madonna started talking to the instructor and he told her talking wasn't allowed, she replied, "I need to speak to you," and then said to the class, "I want you all to leave." The teacher left with all 25 students. Madonna remained in the room practicing and wouldn't leave when a 10:30 a.m. dance class was to start. Madonna's rep said, "That sounds unlikely."

Man, I bet that was really scary. There's no telling what kind of damage a 90 pound, 50 year old lady in a leotard is capable of unleashing. I find it's best to just leave them alone. Old people are cranky. This yoga instructor dude better be glad this wasn't Madonna' s nap time, he might have ended up with a band-aid.

David Banda, the 23-month old African baby that Madonna "adopted" back in October, may be returning back to his village orphanage amidst allegations that Madonna bribed the Malawian government's director of Child Welfare Services, Penstone Kilembe. Daily Mail reports:

According to a newspaper report in Malawi, the Minister of Women and Child Development, Kate Kainja, accused him of obtaining an air ticket to London and money from Madonna herself without his government's approval. The minister refused to allow Mr Kilembe to travel to assess the case, accusing him of "personalising" the matter. She suggested that by accepting funding from Madonna he had compromised his neutrality. "We have already contacted Madonna that someone else and not Kilembe will come to assess her, because we feel Mr Kilembe personalized the whole issue when other people can go," the Minister told the Malawi News. The revelation is likely to prove hugely embarrassing to the 48-year old singer and could halt the adoption process altogether. Last night Mr. Kilembe confirmed that he had been banned from making the trip, but denied that he personally asked the American star for a plane ticket. He claimed that the decision to exclude him from the final decision on whether or not Madonna is allowed to keep David may result in the child being sent back to Malawi. "What this means is that the whole adoption process may crumble and David is sent back to his village," he said."

Wow. Madonna has a little explaining to do, because I thought buying black people was frowned upon nowadays. I'm not calling Madonna racist, but this doesn't look good. The only way this could get any worse is if this kid shows up at his orphanage in nothing but a pair of cutoff overalls and a straw hat.