More pics of Megan Fox's Harper's Bazaar shoot hit online this morning, and I'm not sure how much the world wants to repopulate Haiti, but if they want to hand me these pictures and a 55-gallon drum then point me in the direction of the nearest sperm bank, I can make that happen.

The irony isn't lost on me that Megan Fox's thumbs have made their first cover on a magazine Harper's Bazaar. Because, "bazaar" sounds like "bizarre", you see. Not that it matters. To reiterate, it's Megan Fox. She could have molten lava for hands, and I'm pretty sure I'd cum twice before it started to burn.

Since having unprotected sex with Megan Fox interests me a great deal, imagine my surprise when she said she wanted kids. Showbiz Spy reports:

“No-one believes me when I talk about this, but I’m really maternal,” Megan said. “I worry that because I’ve always wanted kids so much, as the world goes sometimes, I won’t be able to have them – even though I would be able to provide them with such an amazing environment.”

A child would be better off being raised by wolves than by Megan Fox, but I think I'm kinda missing the point here. If Megan Fox let me cum inside her, she could bring a pumpkin wrapped in a blanket home from the hospital, and I'd still pay child support until it turned 18.

Megan Fox is on the cover of the March issue of W magazine, so that means they had to interview her. And as we know, Megan Fox + tape recorder = rambling psychosis.
Us Magazine reports:

"There are some women you could put in underwear and photograph them, and it looks really classy and it doesn't necessarily provoke a pinup image," the actress, 23, tells the March issue of W magazine. "But with me, it does, immediately. As soon as I'm in underwear, I'm a Vargas girl," adds Fox, referring to the curvy women featured in ads from the 1940s. Fox says she has "no confidence, and because of that, I'm always second-guessing myself." She also doesn't have a lot of famous friends (besides beau Brian Austin Green, whom she's been dating on and off since 2004)."I especially don't trust girls in this industry, because it's incredibly competitive, and I'm just not interested," she tells the magazine.

I wanna plow Megan Fox's anus like Britney Spears in an overturned McDonald's truck, but that's pretty much it. I'd rather have a bear trap on my head than listen to her talk for five minutes, but luckily for me, that's pretty much all the time I'll need. Who are we kidding? The condom will even be giving me a look of disappointment.

In October 2009, Megan Fox was announced as the new face of Emporio Armani's underwear line, and here is the video of her first shoot. So to reiterate, Megan Fox, panties, video. Not that I really needed the word "video". I could have said Megan Fox, panties, grappling hook, and I would still cum at least once.

Angelina Jolie causes erection outbreak in Haiti [Popeater]
Emily Blunt has the right idea [Popeater]
Bar Refaeli > BrooklyN Decker [Popoholic]
Alicia Keys has a big ass. Not in a good way. [TaxiDriver Movie]
I Love Love Magazine [Egotastic]
Remembering the Lingerie Bowl [COED Magazine]
Kate Moss hated Mark Wahlberg [Cele|bitchy]
Jersey Shore grandma [Cityrag]
Back to the Future sex scenes [College Humor]
Jenny McCarthy is still hot [Heyman Hustle]

My wife Megan Fox in her Super Bowl commercial. I'm not even joking when I say I would make her vagina look like Stargate:

The Internet is a magical land of wonder where you can illegally download music, have someone killed, or order a Chinese baby, but we really shouldn't forget why the Internet was truly invented - porn and so some 14-year old kid could screencap dimly lit movie scenes from Jennifer's Body where Megan Fox is laying on a bed with her legs spread so you can possibly, maybe see her lips. And isn't this what life is all about, friends? Why, yes. Yes it is.

NOTE: Ok, you caught me. I've never seen a vagina. Anybody want to help me out?

Megan Fox topless in Jennifer's Body:

The second set of images of Megan Fox's new film, Passion Play, hit online this weekend, and as you can probably tell, it's my penis' must see film of 2010. Megan plays a circus freak with wings who apparently stands in a glass box topless at one point. If it has a big opening weekend, it might make $100, so hopefully Megan will be more receptive to my calls to read for my new horror script, Anal Reapers. Will the restless, malevolent forces at an abandon hotel stop their quest for souls long enough for Megan Fox to have 5 or 6 artistically shot scenes of anal sex? Will their insatiable thirst for blood ever be quenched?!