Hey guys, you'll be too drunk and embarrassing yourselves in front of family and friends to care, but Molly and I will be back on Tuesday. What?! Don't look at me like that! You expect me to just sit around waiting by the phone every second of everyday waiting on you?! I have a life too you know!

Now that we've cleared that up, I got an email a few weeks back from a chick named Iona with these (NSFW) included and the following message.

Here are a few pics, which I hope you have some love for! As a girl with no previous modelling experience, they're probably not worthy of a place on your site...I would appreciate if you let me know what you think though. You're a man with very fine taste (particularly in ass), it has to be said. Proud to represent Scottish girls...we may not have tits to rival the English ladies, but many would argue that asses offer more hours of fun! I ask only for my first name, Iona, to be disclosed if these go beyond your own personal viewing.

I've been looking for an excuse to post these, so here you go. The last time a chick sent me pics of her rack it was a cruel and vicious lie. So hopefully this isn't. I mean, you'd think chicks who would send naked pictures to random strangers would have more class than that. It's like I don't know the world anymore.

Karissa Shannon is famous for blowing Heff and being in a fictional sex tape with Heidi Montag, so with all her new free publicity she showed up to add class and understated elegance to the OK! Magazine 5th Anniversary Party. I don't want to give anything away, but you might want to click on the second thumbnail (NSFW). I think Martin Luther King, Jr. can finally rest knowing his work here is done.

Miranda Kerr is four months pregnant and married to Orlando Bloom, but do I really need to get 3D glasses to know I want to kill her baby and make a new one? Lions do that right? I'm not gonna lie, I don't think that's the kinda stuff I'm supposed to learn on National Geographic.

Rosie Jones, Emma Glover, India Reynolds, Stacey Massey, and Daisy Watts went on vacation in Egypt, and Rosie Jones took her camera along. Based on these pictures (NSFW), it's hard to imagine why they aren't in the hull of a boat getting sold as sex slaves. Just like in Eastern Europe. There's nothing over there but vampires, gymnasts, and guys who torture white girls. Oh please, I know what goes on over there! I watch movies!

I've been getting a lot of requests for Lucy Pinder lately, so here she is with her legendary rack in the new issue of NUTS. In other news, Christina Hendricks is on the cover of the new issue of DONUTS. I'm not sure, but I don't think these two are related.

Kelly Brook has been naked all month, so of course she's naked on the cover of Love magazine. Since my heart is black, I have never heard of such a thing, but as you can already tell, it's better than Playboy. Playboy is supposed to be a magazine for men, yet they turned one of the hottest pieces of ass in know universe (seriously. really seriously) into a little titty Macduff The Crime Against My Penis (NSFW). Kelly Brook's autopsy photos would look better than her Playboy shoot.

Here's Diora Baird in the upcoming remake of Night Of The Demons, where she enjoys her Hollywood run as "Girl With Huge Tits" in that one thing and "Topless Chick" in that other one. And it's all because of these (NSFW). I'm not saying her tits are perfect, but Jesus would have a hard time not prematurely ejaculating to these.

Kelly Brook's much anticipated issue of Playboy is out now, and you've probably already clicked the banner pic (NSFW) to see her pictures so I'll just take this time to say that the stripper at the bachelor party I went to on Friday might be able to get money for the college classes that she's not enrolled in if she didn't talk about her 1-year old son's trip to the emergency room for being compacted. You know, just a suggestion.