I'm snowed in and can't go anywhere, so to prove my love for you, here's glamour model and Zoo favorite, Kelly Andrews. People make a big deal if you dig a homeless man out of some rubble in Haiti, but white girls with big tits who take pictures with their clothes off are the unsung heroes my friends. If Kelly Andrews was answering phones at the telethon, Haiti would have a Starbucks and a Nordstrom by now.


BANNER PIC. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I have no idea what the hell they do over in England to make every chick look like they could breastfeed the Cloverfield monster, but if Obama could breed an army of Orcs then sign a declaration of war to invade Britain to mine it, I would appreciate it.

CLICK ON THE BANNER PIC (NSFW) TO RESTRICT PROPER BLOOD FLOW

Angelina Jolie reveals a touching tribute to her mother [Popeater]
Keeley Hazell in Maxim. Dear God. [Popoholic]
2010 Pirelli Calendar (waaay NSFW) [TaxiDriver Movie]
AnnaLynne McCord's nipples support Haiti [Egotastic]
Sexy girls in pigtails [COED Magazine]
Jersey Shore's JWoww has naked pics, dignity for sale [Celebslam]
Tiger isn't getting divorced [Cele|bitchy]
All Miranda Kerr topless all the time [Cityrag]
Weatherman compares snowfall to the size of his dick [College Humor]
Coco loves Ice T's stroke [Heyman Hustle]
Portland Trailblazer's 7'2" center Greg Oden has nude photos [Hoopsvibe]

The Internet is a magical land of wonder where you can illegally download music, have someone killed, or order a Chinese baby, but we really shouldn't forget why the Internet was truly invented - porn and so some 14-year old kid could screencap dimly lit movie scenes from Jennifer's Body where Megan Fox is laying on a bed with her legs spread so you can possibly, maybe see her lips. And isn't this what life is all about, friends? Why, yes. Yes it is.

NOTE: Ok, you caught me. I've never seen a vagina. Anybody want to help me out?

Megan Fox topless in Jennifer's Body:

If you're like me, you've probably sat and wondered exactly how many pics a photographer could take of Rosie Jones wearing a tight black dress standing in one spot in front of a cinder block wall. If you guessed his camera's battery was hooked up to a nuclear reactor, congratulations! You're the big winner!

While Pat Robertson is too busy forgetting to take his ARICEPT and Gary Cass is posing for the camera, God's true soldier is in Hawaii with her tits hanging out. I have no idea what Moses was thinking when he saw the Red Sea drown the Pharoah's army, but I'd like to imagine me jacking off to a hot blonde in the name of Jesus was something he was fighting for. Thanks, Moses!

My future ex-wife and future 2025 Twilight Fan Convention panel member at the Duluth Radisson, Ashley Greene, apparently only poses for ads if almost naked, so that works out pretty well for me. Because you see, I would pound her vagina like a can of PBR. That's way more romantic than it sounds, by the way. Especially when I light some candles and set an ambient mood. Chicks like that. Whatever. I'm just trying to fuck you not have a seance.

These pictures of Rosie Jones will lead you to believe that she's an active tennis player, but the discerning eye will notice that her perfect tits are hanging out, so I really don't think she plays tennis. At least not the kind of tennis that you play at the country club with Buffy and Blain. God, why do you have to be so stuck up? You think you're better that me, is that what you think?!

CLICK ON THE BANNER PIC (NSFW) TO SEE [INSERT TENNIS-SPECIFIC DOUBLE ENTENDRE I'M TOO LAZY TO MAKE UP RIGHT NOW]


Note: Whoever makes the best one up in the comment section gets a prize! And by "prize", I mean the satisfaction of knowing that instead of doing your job, you're online thinking of tennis jokes about some chick's tits. Awesome!