Last Thursday, ABC's Nightline ran an investigative report that threw more fire on the burning corpse of Scientology, exposing the lunatics who believe that an intergalactic god named Xenu, with the help of psychiatrists, paralyzed billions of citizens of his overpopulated planet, captured their souls, then came to Earth in a DC-8 and threw them into a volcano (yes, they actually believe that). The report focused on the "church's" insane mythology, their celebrity worshippers (Tom Cruise, Will Smith, John Travolta) and allegations that the cult's leader David Miscavige beats and demoralizes staff. In an effort to bring rational and logical counterpoints to these arguments, Scientology rolled out their psychotic spokesman, Tommy Davis (actress Anne Archer's son), to plead their case. How do you think it went? I know, I was shocked too!! Page Six reports:

After telling Bashir he wouldn't discuss "disgusting perversions" of the religion, Davis, with the camera still rolling, removed his microphone and stormed off the set. The dust-up was included in the piece. But just 45 minutes before the segment was to air on Thursday, Davis showed up at ABC headquarters on West 67th Street and asked to speak to Bashir and the show's executive producer about the interview. "He demanded to a security guard that he be let in," a network insider told Page Six. "The guard called 'Nightline' staffers down to come deal with him. He was told as politely as possible that the piece was cut and in the can and could not be changed and that Martin would be unable to see him. He was then asked to leave." Adds our source, "He was not happy."

I'm not going to go into sheer madness that is Scientology, because you can read all about that yourself, but at this point, you'd have better luck joining a religion based on Go Diego Go! or my three-legged cat's dreams.

Watch parts 1 & 2 of Nightline's investigative report on Scientology below:





Famous Scientologists being objectified:

Erika Christensen:


Leah Remini:


Jenna Elfman:

Nancy Cartwright, a devout $cientologist and voice of Bart Simpson, is using the voice of the pop culture icon in robocalls to promote upcoming $cientology events. I'm not sure what position that puts her in from a contractual standpoint, but I'm pretty sure that Matt Groening can legally take her outside and stone her.

As you may already know, Jett Travolta, the 16-year old son of John Travolta and Kelly Preston, died on Friday of blunt trauma to the head after he suffered a seizure in the bathroom of his family's Bahama vacation home. As you may not already know, I look awesome in turtlenecks! Anyway, here's all the Travolta crap that happened this weekend. Brace yourself:

Jett had seizures every four days that were "like death" except when, you know, they were "very much like death". [TMZ]

The EMT who responded to the scene says Travolta and Preston begged Jett to wake up in the ambulance. He also noticed Travolta's hair. [FOXNews]

"The Scientology celebrity ethics officer would also actively look for one or more people in the Travoltas' circle of friends, acquaintances who might be antagonistic to or even anti-Scientology and who could have had sufficient negative influence to "cause" such a tragedy. That person would then be the target of possible disconnection (shunning), firing or lawsuit/fair game." Sweet! [Why We Protest]

Jett's two nannies, Jeff and Ana Kathrein, left him unattended for 10 hours. What could go wrong? [TMZ]

Jeff Kathrein (banner picture) is John Travolta's long-time rumored live in gay lover. [Gawker]

Ana Kathrein is a Grade III Scientologist and a wedding photographer. Man, how did they get someone with such qualifications to take care of their son who suffered from several severe medical conditions? Just lucky I guess! [Gawker]

Travolta and Preston have released a statement. It made kitty sad. [US Magazine]

The autopsy results may be available today. Hopefully it will be able to solve the mystery of how a person can die from having a seizure then banging their head on a bathtub. I just can't figure it out! [USA Today]

Due to several death threats received from groups opposing Scientology and Tom Cruise's portrayal of Nazi officer, Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, in his new film Valkyrie, Cruise and his family are reportedly living in fear and are now residing in different locations and only travel in bomb-proof vehicles. The Daily Mail reports:

The Mail on Sunday can reveal that security has been stepped up around Cruise, 46, Holmes, 30, and their two-year-old daughter Suri...Last week Cruise attended the Los Angeles premiere of the movie, which was targeted by protesters from the anti-Scientology group Anonymous. He has been forced to increase security around his family since then. "The threats are perceived to be so great that the FBI has been alerted," said a source. Cruise is due to fly to London for the UK premiere on January 21. "Tom is terrified. He doesn’t feel safe anywhere," the source added. Cruise has spent $10 million on an underground bunker in the grounds of his estate in Colorado. In August, threats were made to place anthrax in the air vents of his Los Angeles office.

Just five years ago, Tom Cruise was one of the world's most beloved movie stars, starring in one critical and commercial hit after another. Now he's gonna get killed because he believes that lotion and Tic Tacs cure autism and that the devil flies around in an intergalactic DC-8 spaceship dropping hydrogen bombs into volcanoes. I can see how some people would have a problem with that. Not a problem, however, is the homeless guys I hunt on my private island. Their signed release of liability forms were designed to protect them just as much as me. I know, I know.. Sometimes I'm guilty of caring too much.

Katie Holmes in Manhattan wearing some questionable shorts:

Ladies and gentleman, Tara Reid. She went from American Pie hottie to stupid-looking party girl with bad boob-jobs and liposuction pretty damn quick. She was saved from living through a Britney-like spiral because she had no real talent in the first place, and if we want to watch someone skank-n-spiral out, we're sure we have some distant relatives somewhere who will be happy enough to oblige.


That's what made us not take any notice last Friday when Us Weekly received a statement from Reid's representation (can you imagine telling your friends at parties that you work for Tara Reid of Taradise fame?): "Tara Reid has checked herself into Promises Treatment Center. We appreciate your respect to her and her family's privacy at this time."


How much privacy you ask? Well, not enough privacy that we didn't get these pictures of her partying at Rok Bar in South Miami Beach. These were sent to us as pictures of Tara Reid's birthday party, and dated December 15th - two days ago.


And we haaaaaaate to bring this up, but Tara Reid's birthday is actually November 8, 1975, which means this birthday party is over a month late, or someone is trying to spread the rumor that Reid is out of rehab.


Despite our Tara Reid fact-checking abilities, we're apt to believe that Reid is NOT in rehab anymore.


Click images to see the full-sized drunk.

I have no idea what the drug-addled ramblings of a science-fiction writer about volcanoes and alien battleships have to do with the birth of Jesus, but here are some pictures from the Church of Scientology's annual Christmas/holiday party. Who knows what the hell this is. They could be in the back boiling kittens in a cauldron for all we know, but Erika Christensen has ridiculously big tits and really should be rescued from all this. Jenna Elfman can stay. She and her husband are brainwashed psychopaths ("Have you ever raped a baby?") who deserve everything the Scientology Celebrity Centre has to offer. Being shot by its armed guards, for example. How exciting!


Some of the other Scientolobots at the party were: David Carradine, Jason Lee, Anne Archer, Laura Prepon, Ethan Suplee, Jo Anna Garcia (the hot chick from Privileged), and Efren Ramirez (Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite).

The opening of Katie Holmes not-long-awaited Broadway run of All My Sons was picketed last night by members of the anti-Scientology group, Anonymous. Hahaha. OK! reports:

Wearing masks and holding signs with salacious slogans like "Free Katie!", "Scientology is a cult!", "Run Katie Run!" and "Free Katie! Keep Tom," many protestors shouted their distaste with the religion of choice for the former Dawson's Creek star and her hubby, Tom Cruise. "We're not protesting the play, we're not protesting her," explained one protestor who goes by the name of Little Sister. "We're just showing her support pretty much. We're showing her that she can have the strength to leave... We've seen Katie in recent televison and she looks miserable. She's lost a lot of weight. We've seen her with purple hands." According to the anti-Scientology crowd, they are are worried about Katie and her two-year-old daughter Suri. They also alleged to OK! that the Church of Scientologists had been attempting to stop the protest."

I blame Tom Cruise. Remember when Katie Holmes was cute and perky and was in, you know, movies? Three years later, a protest is more interesting than her play. People bitten by zombies don't change this fast.




Photos: Splash

Katie Holmes is rumored to be undergoing Scientology's barbaric detoxification program. I don't know what exactly it all entails, but apparently it gives you a shitty haircut and three nipples.