The opening of Katie Holmes not-long-awaited Broadway run of All My Sons was picketed last night by members of the anti-Scientology group, Anonymous. Hahaha. OK! reports:

Wearing masks and holding signs with salacious slogans like "Free Katie!", "Scientology is a cult!", "Run Katie Run!" and "Free Katie! Keep Tom," many protestors shouted their distaste with the religion of choice for the former Dawson's Creek star and her hubby, Tom Cruise. "We're not protesting the play, we're not protesting her," explained one protestor who goes by the name of Little Sister. "We're just showing her support pretty much. We're showing her that she can have the strength to leave... We've seen Katie in recent televison and she looks miserable. She's lost a lot of weight. We've seen her with purple hands." According to the anti-Scientology crowd, they are are worried about Katie and her two-year-old daughter Suri. They also alleged to OK! that the Church of Scientologists had been attempting to stop the protest."

I blame Tom Cruise. Remember when Katie Holmes was cute and perky and was in, you know, movies? Three years later, a protest is more interesting than her play. People bitten by zombies don't change this fast.




Photos: Splash

Katie Holmes is rumored to be undergoing Scientology's barbaric detoxification program. I don't know what exactly it all entails, but apparently it gives you a shitty haircut and three nipples.

Tom Cruise and The Church of Scientology have been named in a $250 million federal lawsuit by an ex-Scientologist, Rush & Molloy report. Using the RICO statute, okay I don't know what that means. A guy named Rico painted my house. Is that the same thing? I'm confused.

Ex-Scientologist Peter Letterese, a longtime critic of the church, filed suit in Southern District Court in Florida on July 15 alleging, among other things, that members of the church harassed him after he left. In court papers provided to The News by investigator Paul Barresi, Letterese claims a member of the church phoned his lawyer at home, and when the lawyer's wife answered, said he was her husband's homosexual lover...Letterese calls the church a "crime syndicate" and wants it broken up under the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organization law, just as the feds have broken up Mafia families. He singles out Cruise, who's made no secret of his religion, saying that Scientology head David Miscavage is "aided and abetted by the actions of Tom Cruise, his right-hand man for foreign and domestic promotion, as well as for foreign and domestic lobbying. He has assisted the syndicate in acquiring funds and [made] his own donations of money believed to be in the multiple tens of millions of dollars." Of Letterese's beefs is that the church allegedly uses a business book, "Effective Sales Closing Techniques," as part of its teachings. He says this violates his intellectual property rights, since he bought the rights to the book from the widow of author Leslie Dane."

I hate Tom Cruise and Scientology, so let's hope by this time next year, Peter Letterese is guarding his mountain of money with a trident and an armored dragon. Most people don't realize this, but dragons looks scarier when they are covered in armor.

I dare you to look gayer than Tom Cruise does here. I dare you:

I don't know what type of alien technology was used to develop Tom Cruise's shoes, but it looks like he's grown about 7 inches overnight. Somebody should tell him his secret is out. We know he's short. It would be funny to see these two standing next to each other with Katie Holmes in heels and Tom Cruise in flip-flops. Followed closely by pictures of Katie spinning Tom on a merry-go-round or Katie riding a motorcycle with Tom riding in the sidecar. Check out his sweet goggles!

Update: People have emailed claiming this is Tom Cruise's best buddy, David Miscavige, the current leader of the Church of Scientology - the same little leather-clad fella next to Tom in this picture and saluting Tom in this picture. - Jenny



Photos: Splash

Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, Will Smith emphatically denies that he is a member of the Church of Scientology. That makes sense, because most actors join pledge allegiance to Scientology to help their careers, but Will Smith already owned July 4th. So with his box office clout and now Scientology behind him, Hancock should a record-smashing hit, right? Uh, not really. FOX News reports:

Alas, all good hype must come to an end. "Hancock," with which Sony is hoping to have a merry July 4, 2008, may not duplicate Smith's previous successes. It is one of the worst family holiday weekend releases of recent memory - and jaw-droppingly so....And that's hard to do since it clocks in at a mere wisp of one hour and 20 minutes. In such brevity there should be a reward. After all, "Hancock," directed by Peter Berg, is shorter than most Woody Allen comedies. There's nothing funny here, however, or witty or clever or even developed beyond an idea that should never have been executed in this way...unlike other crass films of this month, such as "Zohan" and "Love Guru," the coarseness of "Hancock" is a wildly under-calculated mistake....An hour and 20 minutes later, here are things you will not know: who Hancock is, where he and Theron came from (It's telegraphed with the subtlety of a mallet that she has a past with him) and who the persons fighting them are (I have no idea)....It is said the legion of writers and directors who came and went before "Hancock" was initiated had a "black" comedy in mind - something that sent up the idea of super heroes. But a mess has been made in the process and $150 million wasted...Columbia says "Hancock" is tracking well, and I'll bet it's right. The first couple of days - next Wednesday and Thursday - should be big. The fear, I'm sure, though, is that by Friday, July 4, the word will be out."

Almost every major online review of Hancock basically says the same thing, so I guess it makes it funnier when you realize it will be sandwiched between what will be the two biggest movies of the summer - Wall*E (June 27) and The Dark Knight (July 18). By July 19th, the only way you'll be able to see Hancock is on the side of a wall in Mexico from a camera powered by a donkey.

Note: If you're an asshole like me and you like to dazzle people with plot details in the movie before they happen, you can read Hancock's here. You'll be the envy of all your friends!

Will Smith and Charlize Theron in Berlin at the German premiere of Hancock:

Despite evidence which says otherwise, Will Smith has vehemently denied that he is a Scientologist. He's right, because people who aren't Scientologists donate $1 million of their own money to open a private school ran by Scientology all the time. FOX News reports:

The New Village Academy plans to use some teaching methods developed within the Church of Scientology and has hired a team of Scientologists to put them into action. Pinkett-Smith, who currently home-schools the couple's two children, has long been talking about opening up a school where Jaden, 9, and Willow, 7, can continue to receive an education in line with their beliefs, friends told FOXNews.com. So she and her actor husband are bankrolling the pre-kindergarten through sixth grade school in Calabasas, Calif., and they have selected a group of Scientologists, including the Director of Learning, Director of Qualifications and Artistic Director, to create that atmosphere. But you won't find references to the Church of Scientology on NVA's Web site. Ron Reynolds, executive director of the California Association of Private School Organizations, a consortium of the state's private and religious schools, said it's not the actual teaching of Scientology methods that raises a red flag for him. His concern is the school's non-disclosure about its apparent religious affiliation. "School should be forthright about its purposes. And if it's a religious school, I don't see why it wouldn't wish to announce its religious affiliation loud and clear," Reynolds said."

Man, I wonder why Scientology is being so secretive? What parent wouldn't want their children to learn from lesson plans based on the teachings of an insane drug-addicted science fiction writer? Just tell the truth, it won't hurt. I've never kissed a girl. See? That wasn't so bad.

Will Smith and Charlize Theron at the MTV Movie Awards last night:

Unable to control his wife's thoughts and actions by himself, Tom Cruise sent Katie Holmes to a Scientology bootcamp where she was kept under 24-hour surveillance and subject to lie detector tests and marathon auditing sessions. Star Magazine says:

In the new issue of Star, we report exclusively on how Katie was recently secluded for three days at Gold Base, the remote, supersecret Scientology compound in Hemet, Calif., where she was put through a demanding schedule. "It included various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes," a Scientology insider reveals. "Tom insists that auditing and purification practices are incredibly beneficial to Scientologists at all levels." Katie's intensive Scientology training and treatments have been accelerated in recent weeks, says another source, because she wanted to go to New York City without Tom to star in a Broadway play. But Tom stepped in and put the kibosh on her plans. And now Katie's been going in for a series of intensive auditing sessions, some which have lasted for 36 hours straight - with little sleep or food."

Man, this is sure to put the fire back in their relationship. Because if women love anything, it's being held against their will and told how to think and act. Maybe if Katie starts behaving herself Tom can brand her with a hot iron or tie a cannonball to her leg whenever she goes outside. How romantic!

See more about Gold Base including pictures at Lermanet.com

Tom and Katie at Victoria Beckham's birthday party on April 20th:

The full Jason Beghe/Scientology interview was posted on Mark Bunker's blog and you can see all seven parts here. I hate to give anything away, but Scientology is a scam designed to take your money and give you "freedom" by taking away everything you know and love. Yes, shocking, I know. FOX News reports:

You believe it, you invest your time and money." It's the getting out that's painful, Jason says, because people don't want to believe they've been conned. "You can't be a fool, that's too much to confront."..."In 9th grade I met this kid, my best friend...He came to my class and I said, 'You and I are going to be friends.' [That's] David Duchovny. My best friend. Our relationship was aversely affected [by being in Scientology]. He was very cool but he wasn't into it. I think his wife...I perceived that she [didn't like it]. And they were right. He was called a 1-1-SP. It affected our relationship."

"One of the first people I went to see [when I left Scientology] was David. I went over to his house, and we were walking around. We talked about it a little bit. He doesn't watch South Park and doesn't know about all this stuff. I explained OT to him," Beghe said of the high level you can pay to attain the sect.

"I started explaining to him about Xenu and the loyal officers" - a basic story from L. Ron Hubbard's science fiction. "I couldn't get a third of the way through the story and we had our faces on the floor. We were laughing so hard. I mean you couldn't even talk. It's so retarded."

Wow. If Jason Beghe wakes up five counties over in a field with a pentagram carved in his chest one day, I think I might be able to call the Crime Stoppers hotline with some information that might help out.

Tea Leoni, David Duchovny's wife: