Since the entire world is oversensitive babies who can't laugh off a harmless joke, the Asian American Justice Center is outraged that Toby Keith made an "insensitive gesture" at the Nobel Peace Prize after party earlier this week. TMZ reports:

The insensitive gesture occurred during Will Smith's rendition of "Rapper's Delight," when Toby slanted his eyes as Will rapped the word "yellow" -- but according to Toby's rep, "No one at the concert thought Toby was out of line." Toby Keith may think his Nobel Peace Prize party eye gesture wasn't a big deal -- but TWO Asian organizations are furious about it, claiming the "racist" maneuver wasn't just offensive, it was an embarrassment to his country....A rep for the Asian American Justice Center tells TMZ, "Toby Keith embarrassed himself and his country, denigrated the Noble Peace Prize and offended Asians and Asian Americans by using a crude, racist hand gesture." Another group -- the Media Action Network for Asians -- also took offense with Toby, telling us, "By doing this, he is telling his Asian fans 'you don't matter, you're not on my radar.'"

Not to get on a soapbox here, but isn't having an Asian American Justice Center by definition separatist and racist? You're Americans who happen to look Asian. What's the big deal? And here's the thing, when you go around being a Debbie Downer at an after party because some drunk redneck made a slant eye gesture, you give importance to what he did. Meaning it will never go away and the same people you want to stop doing this will keep doing it just to piss you off. It's not like he told every Asian person in the audience that they had to go build a railroad, so chill out. Look, I'm Native American and I can spew all the righteous indignation about the Washington Redskins all day if I wanted to, but I littered twice already today, I'm allergic to horses, and I need a Garmin to find my way across the street. If I was teleported back to 1792, I wouldn't have to wait for smallpox to kill me because I'm pretty sure my tribe would feed me to a bear.

Machine Girl's Minase Yashiro. I'd eat it like my mama made it:

If you're friends Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, sorry to break this to you dude, but they probably fucked in your house. The Sun reports:

Sharing sex tips, Jada told RedBook Magazine: "Be sneaky... your girlfriend's house at a party. The bathroom. A bedroom." Talking of other places they like to get down to business, the actress added: "Think of places outside that are comfortable to have sex. "Does he have access to his office? Have a fantasy date. Be his secretary! Pull over on the side of the road... Just switch it up. "Anything like that can keep it going. Anything it takes to keep the flame alive."

Even though they're Scientologists, it's good to have a chick who will do anything to make your relationship work, even if that means doing reverse cowgirl on her best friend's sink. In all honesty, that's what every man wants. So, I don't know if any of you ladies want to bookmark this, because the next time I take applications for a girlfriend, this might be a good reference for the "Special skills" portion.

Ladies and gentleman, Tara Reid. She went from American Pie hottie to stupid-looking party girl with bad boob-jobs and liposuction pretty damn quick. She was saved from living through a Britney-like spiral because she had no real talent in the first place, and if we want to watch someone skank-n-spiral out, we're sure we have some distant relatives somewhere who will be happy enough to oblige.


That's what made us not take any notice last Friday when Us Weekly received a statement from Reid's representation (can you imagine telling your friends at parties that you work for Tara Reid of Taradise fame?): "Tara Reid has checked herself into Promises Treatment Center. We appreciate your respect to her and her family's privacy at this time."


How much privacy you ask? Well, not enough privacy that we didn't get these pictures of her partying at Rok Bar in South Miami Beach. These were sent to us as pictures of Tara Reid's birthday party, and dated December 15th - two days ago.


And we haaaaaaate to bring this up, but Tara Reid's birthday is actually November 8, 1975, which means this birthday party is over a month late, or someone is trying to spread the rumor that Reid is out of rehab.


Despite our Tara Reid fact-checking abilities, we're apt to believe that Reid is NOT in rehab anymore.


Click images to see the full-sized drunk.

I have no idea what the drug-addled ramblings of a science-fiction writer about volcanoes and alien battleships have to do with the birth of Jesus, but here are some pictures from the Church of Scientology's annual Christmas/holiday party. Who knows what the hell this is. They could be in the back boiling kittens in a cauldron for all we know, but Erika Christensen has ridiculously big tits and really should be rescued from all this. Jenna Elfman can stay. She and her husband are brainwashed psychopaths ("Have you ever raped a baby?") who deserve everything the Scientology Celebrity Centre has to offer. Being shot by its armed guards, for example. How exciting!


Some of the other Scientolobots at the party were: David Carradine, Jason Lee, Anne Archer, Laura Prepon, Ethan Suplee, Jo Anna Garcia (the hot chick from Privileged), and Efren Ramirez (Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite).

Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, Will Smith emphatically denies that he is a member of the Church of Scientology. That makes sense, because most actors join pledge allegiance to Scientology to help their careers, but Will Smith already owned July 4th. So with his box office clout and now Scientology behind him, Hancock should a record-smashing hit, right? Uh, not really. FOX News reports:

Alas, all good hype must come to an end. "Hancock," with which Sony is hoping to have a merry July 4, 2008, may not duplicate Smith's previous successes. It is one of the worst family holiday weekend releases of recent memory - and jaw-droppingly so....And that's hard to do since it clocks in at a mere wisp of one hour and 20 minutes. In such brevity there should be a reward. After all, "Hancock," directed by Peter Berg, is shorter than most Woody Allen comedies. There's nothing funny here, however, or witty or clever or even developed beyond an idea that should never have been executed in this way...unlike other crass films of this month, such as "Zohan" and "Love Guru," the coarseness of "Hancock" is a wildly under-calculated mistake....An hour and 20 minutes later, here are things you will not know: who Hancock is, where he and Theron came from (It's telegraphed with the subtlety of a mallet that she has a past with him) and who the persons fighting them are (I have no idea)....It is said the legion of writers and directors who came and went before "Hancock" was initiated had a "black" comedy in mind - something that sent up the idea of super heroes. But a mess has been made in the process and $150 million wasted...Columbia says "Hancock" is tracking well, and I'll bet it's right. The first couple of days - next Wednesday and Thursday - should be big. The fear, I'm sure, though, is that by Friday, July 4, the word will be out."

Almost every major online review of Hancock basically says the same thing, so I guess it makes it funnier when you realize it will be sandwiched between what will be the two biggest movies of the summer - Wall*E (June 27) and The Dark Knight (July 18). By July 19th, the only way you'll be able to see Hancock is on the side of a wall in Mexico from a camera powered by a donkey.

Note: If you're an asshole like me and you like to dazzle people with plot details in the movie before they happen, you can read Hancock's here. You'll be the envy of all your friends!

Will Smith and Charlize Theron in Berlin at the German premiere of Hancock:

Despite evidence which says otherwise, Will Smith has vehemently denied that he is a Scientologist. He's right, because people who aren't Scientologists donate $1 million of their own money to open a private school ran by Scientology all the time. FOX News reports:

The New Village Academy plans to use some teaching methods developed within the Church of Scientology and has hired a team of Scientologists to put them into action. Pinkett-Smith, who currently home-schools the couple's two children, has long been talking about opening up a school where Jaden, 9, and Willow, 7, can continue to receive an education in line with their beliefs, friends told FOXNews.com. So she and her actor husband are bankrolling the pre-kindergarten through sixth grade school in Calabasas, Calif., and they have selected a group of Scientologists, including the Director of Learning, Director of Qualifications and Artistic Director, to create that atmosphere. But you won't find references to the Church of Scientology on NVA's Web site. Ron Reynolds, executive director of the California Association of Private School Organizations, a consortium of the state's private and religious schools, said it's not the actual teaching of Scientology methods that raises a red flag for him. His concern is the school's non-disclosure about its apparent religious affiliation. "School should be forthright about its purposes. And if it's a religious school, I don't see why it wouldn't wish to announce its religious affiliation loud and clear," Reynolds said."

Man, I wonder why Scientology is being so secretive? What parent wouldn't want their children to learn from lesson plans based on the teachings of an insane drug-addicted science fiction writer? Just tell the truth, it won't hurt. I've never kissed a girl. See? That wasn't so bad.

Will Smith and Charlize Theron at the MTV Movie Awards last night:

With the current push to expose Scientology as the Hitler regime style cult that it is, Scientology is strongly recruiting black people to help their image. Already having built a center in Harlem, Scientology is working to make Will Smith, Jada Pinkett, and Kimora Lee Simmons the new celebrity faces of Scientology. MSNBC (by way of Radar) reports:

He's been getting more and more involved (in Scientology)," said one source. "And it isn't just him, it's definitely Jada, too."..."It's not so much that anyone is upset that Will is becoming a Scientologist," the source added after seeing a copy of the nine-page Radar piece. "It's that as he becomes more involved, you'd think he'd sort of help fly the flag with Tom (Cruise), who seems to only get a bad rap for it, while Will does this and comes through just fine."

"As for Kimora Lee Simmons, the Radar piece makes the case for including her among the ranks of celebrity Scientologists. The magazine points to a 2006 gathering where Scientology leader David Miscavige "spoke glowingly of Kimora Lee Simmons' efforts to distribute a personalized edition of Hubbard's "The Way to Happiness," featuring her image on the cover, to school kids in New Jersey."

It's unclear how they decided on Will Smith, his lesbian wife, and that transvestite Kimora, but I guess anything would be better than what Scientology is currently working with. A cardboard cutout of Tom Cruise would be a better spokesman than Tom Cruise at this point.

Here is the video which links Kimora Lee Simmons to Scientology (Skip to 6:14 if you don't care to listen to Napoleon Hitler for too long.):

Will Smith is Tom Cruise's best friend, so it really shouldn't be a big surprise that Smith has now joined the Church of Scientology and is openly recruiting others. New York Daily News says:

Big stars traditionally distribute "wrap presents" to crew members after completing a film. His recent gift after wrapping next summer's comedy "Hancock" was a card good for a personality test at your local Scientology center....The quiz is designed to convert people to the religion by identifying personality flaws that - surprise! - Scientology can fix right up for you...[Smith]told "Access Hollywood" last month: "I was introduced to it by Tom, and I'm a student of world religion. I was raised in a Baptist household. I went to a Catholic school, but the ideas of the Bible are 98% the same ideas of Scientology, 98% the same ideas of Hinduism and Buddhism."

I wonder if Will Smith could pick out a bible out in a lineup, because I've looked, and I can't find the part where Jesus flies a spaceship and battles a giant alien warlord. Maybe that's because Scientology would make more sense if it was based on Donkey Kong or microwave instructions.